Me being - moulded

i wanna learn to thank you each day. no matter what happens. no matter what is being thrown in my way. i thank you.
because u see what lies ahead. and you know that it is for the best.
so i wanna learn to embrace it and not complain so much.

things have not been the best times of my life.
but i aint complaining no more.
instead, i'm learning to take it step by step. to see the greater picture being revealed.

my heart's been caught.
and its pacing so quickly.
please tell me how should handle this situation i've gotten myself into.
should i stay, or should i just let go?
teach me.

mould me.
mould me like clay. mould me into an exquisite art piece.
mould me into a man of ur heart.

i'm crying out to u.
please do not turn your head away.
please hold me in ur arms and whisper into my ears these words," do not fear for i am here "
hold me tightly, letting me know that i am not alone.
let me feel ur embrace.

Me being - a purpose driven son

He fell to his knees, cried out loud, tore his clothes and shaved all the hair on his body.

I've completed my 40 days discipleship training. i took alittle longer than 40 days though.
haha. but that's besides the point.

it has been pretty rough, this 40 days.
i know that Satan has been trying hard to stop me, always helping me find excuses like tired, lazy or even using my psp to tempt me when i'm preparing myself for the day's lesson.

oh well. i feel kinda relieved that i've finally completed the book, and i really encourage everyone to go through this discipleship training.

just give Him 40 days of your time and grow in Him.

lessons being taught are those that i'll pass on to my disciplers in future.
so, what's next?

Srimal passed me this book 2 months back, the time when i was persecuted at work.
nearly went into DB due to carelessness. (well, thats besides the point)

yea, i'd probably start on it this coming week.
eventhough its tiring and stuff reading. and reading not being the things that Dennis would do.
but i know that this is the time where i am able to grow in the Lord the most.
NS is really a very difficult time for me. but its a process God wants me to go through, and hopefully before i know it, it'll finish.

i've been serving for nearly 9 months now. the longest amount of time i 'work for a company'.
but i'm still learning to take things step by step. not wanting to stress myself out too much.

the end of this week will mark the start of my 10th month serving. woohoo?
haha. premature counting down.

do pray for me.

Me being - on a one way road to meet Him

one life, live it.

this should be the catch phrase of all believers in Christ.
why stress? :D

we live for Him and for Him only.

i've been pretty stressed out recently. working under temperamental regulars who would burst out at you for any mistakes you make.

sometimes i feel so spiritually deserted at work.

i mean, i've been trying so hard to do what i can at work.
trying to be a good worker, yet i'm so paranoid with what could happen.
so afraid of making mistakes.

sometimes i feel that being scolded is starting to become a weekly thing.
but i'm still trying to do my best.
trying to meet their requirements.

not doing it for them.
but i just want to be cooperative for God.
see how He can work in my life through this situation.
if He's happy, i'm satisfied.

so i should just live my life without any worries anymore.

Me being - imaginative.

I-M-A-G-I-N-A-T-I-O-N

its a very big word aint it. its such a powerful thing.
look at how the world has moved. how the world have progressed through the years with the slightest spark of IMAGINATION.

haha, its funny because when i think about this word, i'll always think of Spongebob and Patrick inside the box where they let their 'IMAGINATION' run wild.

and the internet's a very practical example of a human's mind.
it can lead you anywhere. get you any information u yearn.

whatever you are looking for, the latest movies, the latest buzz.
latest sports score.

its so wonderful isnt it?

and yet if we abuse it. look at how bad it can lead us.
take a look at this metaphor i'm going to drawing.

you're surfing the web when an icon pop up leading you to x-rated sites.
you clicked on it and tons of pop-ups appear.
you try to close them to no avail because when u close 1 another will come up.
as your last resort, you switched off the main power switch and restart your computer.

to your horror, the whole system crashed the moment you enter your desktop.

just 1 click, and it leads to such a disasterous outcome.


well, haha. that was pretty dramatic but things like this do happen.
during service yesterday, Reverend Abel Thomas was preaching about sins.
and its just so real.
this is what he said," sin is like a bite from a snake. just one small bite, and it'll spread the poison throughout your body and you'll eventually die "

so how has my starting of 'IMAGINATION' led to this thing about sin u might wonder.
i just would like to point out to all (including myself) that imagination is really a powerful tool that God had given us.
but if we abuse it, if we misuse it for sinful things. it'll be like poison passing through our body.
and i believe that sin begins from the head. (feelings to an extent also)

an alcoholic think of drinking, and eventually he'll be binge drinking.
a drug addict think of getting high and eventually he'll be jabbing himself with needles or taking pills.
an average man think of sexy ladies and he'll end up in a porn site or even worse he goes looking for prostitutes to satisfy his sexual lust.


guess this is the reason why i need God.
because i know that with this imagination and without Him, i'll be sinning deeper and deeper.
a friend shared with me today, the teachings from the Bible without Jesus will just be a book teaching us about the high moral standards we should keep.
which is why the relationship we have with Him is what counts most.

Me being - screwed by the uniform.

I WANT TO ORD!!!

the regimentations, the abuse of power.

getting to face a charge anytime anywhere. its as scary as it gets.
signing extras anytime an officer feels like giving u one.

uniform life's pretty screwed up isnt it?

living in fear of getting picked out for a silly minor offences.
old officers who thinks that they know everything.
old officers are those who dawn on a streak of moustache between their nose and upper lip.

haha.

sometimes i just feel that i'm just terribly unlucky.
trying to work hard and yet still getting pin-pointed.
offending officers just because they dont like me.

work has been a struggle and i have be on my toes all the time.
just when things seem to settle down on this side, another thing happen on the other.
man.

sometimes i just feel that God's in this.
all of this.
letting me go through this for a reason of His own.

and if its for His reasons, why not?

Me being - in a pretty screwed up situation

haha.
just look at that!!

the downhill tumble of me through the whole of last week.

-on monday i took my driving test.
and i passed!! i was so happy. so elated.
i wanted to tell everyone about it.

-on tuesday, in the morning. i was sitting in the office minding my own business and was scolded by my captain.
well, perhaps its due to my ignorance or what. but apparantly i was supposed to be downstairs inside the classroom looking after the trainees instead.
well. that just spoilt my entire day.
and it killed the atmosphere of my passing of my driving test.
it sure did.

-wednesday was quite alright.

-thursday, i was almost charged in the office because i missed out on rept.
rept's some time keeper thing that nsfs are assigned to do sometimes.
that one was not that bad because i believe i have substantial reason to escape the charges.

(then came thursday's night training.)

it was one faithful night at hougang mrt station. i had to miss out on a birthday celebration with a friend because of night training.
i reached the station at around 12 mid night. but did not report to my captain who was waiting downstairs.
well. i was arranging the food that was brought over to the station and my senior, well. he said that we'll just wait for someone to call before we go down to report.
and what a great idea it was!!

we went down and my captain was pretty pissed off already.
then okay, thats not all.
we forgot to bring some safety vests and some equipments for training that night.
BAM!! thats it, my captain snapped.
through out the training he was in such a foul mood.
ignoring me as i ran his other minor errands.

okay. then training ended.
he "summoned" me and my senior over and were being scolded like nobody's business. with his spit flying all over the place.
yup. then came the judgement.
he said that he's going to charge us by sending us into the detention barracks.
and that sums up my entire week.

well, it destroyed my long weekend. it really did.
to think that when i report to work on tuesday, i'm definitely going to get charged.
i'm not going through a fantastic time right now.

and any prayer i can get is appreciated.
haha.
all i can do is force a smile and pretend that nothing's gonna happen.
how did things turn out so bad.

when i was sharing with srimal on friday how my whole week went.
he shared with me how David went through his trying period.
he's life was at stake. Saul was after his life.
yet God delivered. not only David was saved, he became king.

in God i hold my faith in.
in God whom i trust.
any persecutions i'm about to face, i pray that i'm ready to do it with Him.

Me being - a driver soon (hopefully)

it has been too long a ride. i just pray for it to finish soon.

its so tiring to juggle work, ministry and learning driving at the same time.
what's worse is that i'm only one test away from getting my driving license.

and tomorrow's the faithful day where i get the chance to take the test again.
not trying to think so much. just hoping that the route will be a short and simple one. plus no screw ups in the circuit.
haha.

i've flunked twice and tmr will be the third. anything more than 3 times is really very embarrassing. especially me being a guy. who's supposed to find practical things easier.
or so the stereotype points toward.

anyways really am crossing my fingers now. hoping to be a driver by 13 may 2008.
wahahaha.
and one day look back at tomorrow and thank God for it.

Me being - pressed with expectations

money money and more money.
i just dont dig this.

its just too sad a life to be living for money. and i realise how sad people around me are living their life. its so pathetic.
really.

u dont get the kind of enjoyment everytime u work. u worry about not having enough with u're at home. u are stressed over it all the time even when u sleep.

what's the deal with it anyways. bullshit.

and being the eldest doesnt help one bit at all.
with all the expectations pressing down on me.
i want to get another diploma, or a degree.

but what its already laid out for me to grad from poly and start working 5 years from now.
don't i get a say in this?
do i have be in a situation where i juggle with work and studies at the same time?

i dont wish to be in that situation.
but what say do i have in this.

i'm expected to be paying for the house 5 years from now. ya, maybe pay with a job that pays 5/hr. that helps alot doesnt it!

maybe its time to grow up. time for me to start paying for ur bills and taxes.
and perhaps i'll do it.
oh yea. i will.
but i really dont see me being part of this money-minded household.

Me being - full of expectations

expectations.
sometimes that i struggle with, especially when i pray to God.

expecting things to happen.
but is that what we should do when we pray?

God created us, He's here even before the beginning of time. He created our forefathers from centuries/milleniums ago.

He, of all people should know best. so why should we still expect?
for He shall provide for us what's best for us.
He's our Lord God. remember?
kept that in mind?

sometimes for me, it still hasnt.
especially when emotions sets in. i pray about something with expectations.
i pray about something with a target already in mind.

and God doesnt work this way.
when we pray, we should still embrace God's will. not our will.

its hard. especially if its something that's an issue. specially if its something that you really want to happen.

i'm an introvert. especially when it comes to groups. i just dont seem to be able to express myself the way i want to.
thats why i'm usually quiet. unless i'm totally comfortable with the group.
unless i know u well, and u know me as well.

Jesus. so glorious you are. so beautiful.
i apologise for feeling this way time and time again.
sometimes i just wish to have this authority to stand between 'hh' and everyone else and push them away. snapping at them to back off.
what's this crazy feeling?
is it jealousy. perhaps...
please take this feeling away. because its really affecting how i should be growing in u.
i'm just so shrouded with so many things i dont need this as an extra distraction from you.
evermore the King above all.
i feel that i destroyed a wonderful and spiritual day with you. by feeling how i'm feeling now at this moment.
i try to escape, but it contradicts my prayers to u.
please Father, please provide me with a way out.
on how i should feel. on how i should act.
why am i feeling like this after praying and promising you that i'd stay away from silly relationships for at least 2 years?
until my family comes to believe in you, i do not want to let someone else into my heart.
there's just so much to do.
its best if i have the gift of celibacy aint it Lord?
this way i can give u my all. with no one to share my heart with.
being able to give you my entire heart.
let Your will be done.
Yours. not mine.

Me being - faithful.

'Let me explain theproblem science has with Jesus Christ.'

The atheist professor of philosophy pauses before his class and then asks one of his new students to stand. 'You're a Christian, aren't you, son?'

'Yes sir,' the student says.

'So you believe inGod?'

'Absolutely.'

'Is God good?'

'Sure! God's good.'

'Is God all-powerful? Can God do anything?'

'Yes.'

'Are you good or evil?'

'The Bible says I'm evil.'

The professor grins knowingly. 'Aha! The Bible!'
He considers for a moment. 'Here's one for you. Let's say there's a sick person over here and you can cure him. You can do it. Would you help him? Would you try?'

'Yes sir, I would.'

'So you're good...!'

'I wouldn't say that.'

'But why not say that? You'd help a sick and maimed person if you could. Most of us would if we could. But God doesn't.'

The student does not answer, so the professor continues.
'He doesn't, does he? My brother was a Christian who died of cancer, even though he prayed to Jesus to heal him How is this Jesus good? Hmmm? Can you answer that one?'

The student remains silent.

'No, you can't, can you?' the professor says. He takes a sip of water from a glass on his desk to give the student time to relax.
'Let's start again, young fella. Is God good?'

'Er...yes,' the student says.

'Is Satan good?'

The student doesn't hesitate on this one. 'No.'

'Then where does Satan come from?'

The student : 'From...God..'

'That's right. God made Satan, didn't he? Tell me, son. Is there evil in this world?'

'Yes, sir.'

'Evil's everywhere, isn't it? And God did make everything, correct?'

'Yes.'

'So who created evil?'
The professor continued, 'If God created everything, then God created evil, since evil exists, and according to the principle that our works define who we are, then God is evil.'
Without allowing the student to answer, the professor continues: 'Is there sickness? Immorality? Hatred? Ugliness? All these terrible things, do they exist in this world?'

The student: 'Yes.'

'So who created them?' The student does not answer again, so the professor repeats his question. 'Who created them?

There is still no answer.
Suddenly the lecturer breaks away to pace in front of the classroom. The class is mesmerized.
'Tell me,' he continues onto another student. 'Do you believe in Jesus Christ, son?'

The student's voice is confident: 'Yes, professor, I do.'

The old man stops pacing. 'Science says you have five senses you use to identify and observe the world around you. Have you ever seen Jesus?'

'No sir. I've never seen Him.'

'Then tell us if you've ever heard your Jesus?'

'No, sir, I have not.'

'Have you ever actually felt your Jesus, tasted your Jesus or smelled your Jesus? Have you ever had any sensory perception of Jesus Christ, or God for that matter?'

'No, sir, I'm afraid I haven't.'

'Yet you still believe in him?'

'Yes.'

'According to the rules of empirical, testable, demonstrable protocol, science says your God doesn't exist. What do you say to that, son?'

'Nothing,' the student replies. 'I only have my faith.'

'Yes, faith,' the professor repeats. 'And that is the problem science has with God. There is no evidence, only faith.'

The student stands quietly for a moment, before asking a question of his own. 'Professor, is there such a thing as heat?'

'Yes,' the professor replies. 'There's heat.'

'And is there such a thing as cold?'

'Yes, son, there's cold too.'

'No sir, there isn't.' The professor turns to face the student, obviously interested.
The room suddenly becomes very quiet.

The student begins to explain. 'You can have lots of heat, even more heat, super-heat, mega-heat, unlimited heat, white heat, a little heat or no heat, but we don't have anything called 'cold'. We can hit up to 458 degrees below zero, which is no heat, but we can't go any further after that. There is no such thing as cold; otherwise we would be able to go colder than the lowest-458 degrees. Every body or object is susceptible to study when it has or transmits energy, and heat is what makes a body or matter have or transmit energy. Absolute zero (-458 F) is the total absence of heat. You see, sir, cold is only a word we use to describe the absence of heat. We cannot measure cold. Heat we can measure in thermal units because heat is energy. Cold is not the opposite of heat, sir, just the absence of it.'

Silence across the room. A pen drops somewhere in the classroom, sounding like a hammer.
'What about darkness, professor. Is there such a thing as darkness?'

'Yes,' the professor replies without hesitation.

'What is night if it isn't darkness?'

'You're wrong again, sir. Darkness is not something; it is the absence of something. You can have low light, normal light, bright light, flashing light, but if you have no light constantly you have nothing and it's called darkness, isn't it? That's the meaning we use to define the word. In reality, darkness isn't. If it were, you would be able to make darkness darker, wouldn't you?'

The professor begins to smile at the student in front of him. This will be a good semester. 'So what point are you making, young man?'

'Yes, professor. My point is, your philosophical premise is flawed to start with, and so your conclusion must also be flawed.'

The professor's face cannot hide his surprise this time. 'Flawed? Can you explain how?'
'You are working on the premise of duality,' the student explains. 'You argue that there is life and then there's death; a good God and a bad God. You are viewing the concept of God as something finite, something we can measure. Sir, science can't even explain a thought. It uses electricity and magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully understood either one. To view death as the opposite of life is to be ignorant of the fact that death cannot exist as a substantive thing. Death is not the opposite of life, just the absence of it.'

'Now tell me, professor. Do you teach your students that they evolved from a monkey?'

'If you are referring to the natural evolutionary process, young man, yes, of course I do.'

'Have you ever observed evolution with your own eyes, sir?' The professor begins to shake his head, still smiling, as he realizes where the argument is going. A very good semester, indeed.

'Since no one has ever observed the process of evolution at work and cannot even prove that this process is an on-going endeavour, are you not teaching your opinion, sir? Are you now not a scientist, but a preacher?'

The class is in uproar. The student remains silent until the commotion has subsided. 'To continue the point you were making earlier to the other student, let me give you an example of what I mean.'
The student looks around the room. 'Is there anyone in the class who has ever seen the professor's brain?'

The class breaks out into laughter. 'Is there anyone here who has ever heard the professor's brain, felt theprofessor's brain, touched or smelled the professor's brain? No one appears to have done so. So, according to the established rules of empirical, stable, demonstrable protocol, science says that you have no brain, with all due respect, sir. So if science says you have no brain, how can we trust your lectures, sir?'

Now the room is silent. The professor just stares at the student, his face unreadable. Finally, after what seems an eternity,the old man answers. 'I guess you'll have to take them on faith.'

'Now, you accept that there is faith, and, in fact, faith exists with life,' the student continues. 'Now, sir, is there such a thing as evil?'

Now uncertain, the professor responds, 'Of course, there is. We see it everyday. It is in the daily example of man's inhumanity to man. It is in the multitude of crime and violence everywhere in the world. These manifestations are nothing else but evil.'

To this the student replied, 'Evil does not exist sir, or at least it does not exist unto itself. Evil is simply the absence of God. It is just like darkness and cold, a word that man has created to describe the absence of God. God did not create evil. Evil is the result of what happens when man does not have God's love present in his heart. It's like the cold that comes when there is no heat or the darkness that comes when there is no light.'

The professor sat down.


if you've seen the ugly side of life, or if u feel that what's going on in your life filled with so much 'evil'. why dont u try knowing Him?

i guareentee that it'll be a life changing experience.
God's Bless. ;)

Me being - thankful

so, it goes like this.
boy meets girl. boy likes girl. boy asks girl out.

okay, haha. that was random.

anyways. life's been rough lately. not the ideal kind of life u would wish to have.
so so busy. no time to stop to take a breath.

really thank God for this Good Friday break. cos i was able to wake up at 1pm yesterday!!
PRAISE GOD!
i slept like 12 hours. it was real good rest. but i still feel worn.
well, Father, i'd be looking forward to the next time u let me sleep long hours again.
weee.

yea. tmr's work day again. kinda dread it. in a way.
there just seem to be so many things to do.
so so so many!!
courses after courses. paper work after paper work.
and having the kind of colleagues around me isnt really helping much.
dont really wanna bombard them in front of the whole world.

if u wanna know just ask me personally and i'll tell u.
haha.

yea. but i still look forward to the week. to see how God work His wonders in me, with me and around me.

yup.
off to doing QT now. ciao. :)

Me being - involved in a emotional warfare.

Sometimes it still haunts me. feelings that i thought were drowned and buried.
but it still comes back and it hits me so hard. like when u run into a wall while sprinting at 60miles/hr.

I do not understand sometimes. what are your plans for me. you took away something that meant so much. and oh yea it sure hurt a whole lot. but i chose to stay. i chose to hold on.
i still tell you i love you O'Lord. i really do.

ur love is supposed to be enough, then why is it this feeling of losing that someone still hurt so badly?

As i listen to 'Saviour King' by Hillsongs, it just touches me so emotionally. haha.
ever felt sad but too tired to cry? cos thats how i feel.

i pray for strength. i'm so tired that i just seem like i cant carry on anymore.
O Lord, i feel so dispensable. the way i was treated. i just cant help but ask, what am i doing here?
because it feels so superficial. and i'm so disturbed at how somethings are going on. feeling so out of place.
but what does it matter? nobody bothers.

i get this restlessness in me.
this thought of just giving up and lie down not doing anything.

how i wish.
2 years, i told you. i want to give my heart to you during this 2 years.

O'King, pls be my rock. be my provider O'Lord. for your love alone is sufficient.
be my provider O'Lord, as i lay my faith on you.

Me being - delighted through troubled times

Recently, i feel that God has thrown me into a dumpster. haha.
not trying to say that He does not care or that He looks at me as though i'm like s#it.

but it does feel that way. i aint complaining though
just that sometimes i feel alittle overwhelmed by the things going on.

have not been able to rest after the camp. the weekends seemed so short and the week has started again.
time really doesnt wait for anyone huh.

a roll of an eye and i'm nearly one year with AMKPC!!!
YEAY!!
okay i'll talk about it alittle later. now, about my week first.

this week has been in a rather fast tempo. had guard duty on monday. and through the week i have to start preparing for a course which is starting next week. gosh.
hadnt really slept well since monday. today's wednesday. i didnt read the Bible the last 2 days, so i owe myself extra chapters. hohoho.
man, i owe myself time for rest as well. then there's night training tomorrow night.
ahhh!!

and not forgetting MAS SELAMAT!!! this guy's a whole load of trouble. really pray that he'll be caught soon. causing such a national uproar due to his absense.
plus. rumours are that civil defense are going to increase the number of people doing guard duty, and it spells trouble. cos it means more guard duty.
feeling kinda stressed out even as i'm typing this.
BUT... He is there and will always be here for me.
:D
thats heartwarming enough.

looking forward to this friday.
finally having CG again!! yeay.
its been so so so long. and it really feels like something's missing for so so so long.
really pray that this friday during cg, we'll be deeply enriched by word. to refill me spiritually!!

and also. come next 1st April will be my first year in AMKPC!!
it has been a very eventful year. alot of emotional ups and downs.
alot of growing physically and more importantly spiritually.
i really thank God and pray that He'll continue guiding me with my journey with Him.
How wonderful. How marvelous.

well. with my first year of christianhood coming to an end, i'm looking forward to this coming eventful year with God.

Me being - blessed (and relieved)

hey yall.

i'm back from camp. and to be honest, it wasnt as bad as i perceived it to be.
and i want to thank God for being there for me.
but i dont think i wanna do it so regularly. the camp that is.



i'm quite burnt up. haha. i feel like i'm still wearing a skintight t-shirt everytime after i take off my clothes.
its kinda hilarious.
but sitting down on this chair and typing on the keyboard and looking at the screen,

i feel at home. a feeling that i miss alot. i dont know how to explain this but, it just feels so peaceful. so wonderful.

it feels like i'm experiencing a very quiet and connected time with God. even as i type. i do not know how to explain this. but this is how it feels.

indeed God is brilliant. He walked me through this week so closely. its as though He's holding on to my hand as we cross a junction full of vehicles moving to and fro. the mighty hand of God, used to hold on to my tiny hand. how amazing is that.

sometimes when i think back, i feel so ashamed of myself. God has made my life so good and yet at times i still choose to complain. as though i'll never be satisfied.
and He will still be there to forgive me. He will still be there being patient with me and entertain me.
This is how marvelous our Lord God Jesus is.
The man who died on the cross, and came back to life on the 3rd day. He who was prosecuted by us is here ready to rescue us.

How wonderful is that.

Me being - dreadful of this coming week.

even as this week is only beginning, i'm looking forward to friday already.
thats because this is going to be a very hectic week. and with so many stuff going on. sometimes i'll just stand down there and stone. letting my pentium 2, 200mgh brain process everything.

haha.
sometimes i just want to make sure everything's alright that i end up screwing them up.
how ironic right?

i missed church today, and it was not really good feeling.
as a matter of fact, i dislike this feeling alot alot alot!!!!
argh.

i'm not going to do it again, unless i have duty that is.
i wouldnt wanna miss church for anything. lol.
especially during this phase of my life, while i'm so busy with serving the nation. i just dont have the kind of time i use to have where i can visit the church anytime, any day.

those were the days.

anyways people, i really need your prayers for this week.
as my role of an instructor is going to begin in 3 weeks. (i'm starting my first actual course)
i really pray that things will go smoothly as i prepare all the admin stuff for the course.
i'm a instructor's instructor btw. that is, i'm kinda in-charge of this course for civil defense where i'll take officers and NsF who'll go through this course to equip them with skills to be an instructor. the course is called IPC (instructor prep course) :D.

that'll be for monday and tuesday. then i have guard duty on tuesday night!! gosh.
thats not all.

on wednesday, i've to leave straight from my guard area and rush off to changi village as there's a camp going on from wednesday to friday (3D2N).
how silly of me to have accept this task. imagine me taking off and leave to work elsewhere.
(btw, to me, its not really honoring God if u're serving the nation and working part time, cos God did ask us to obey the higher authority. and this camp thing was due to some complicated issues)

anyways, thats not more.
i'm in-charge of the logistics.
which means that whether or not the camp moves smoothly, its all resting on my shoulders.

and i'm so worried that i might screw things up here and there.

man.... i really dread this week.
already looking forward to friday lor.
people, pls keep me in prayers.
especially for prayers for me to have some time to do qt with God.
thanks in advance.
BLESSED WEEK!!

Me being - faithless

How would you feel when someone doesnt have faith in u?
what if that someone is someone close to u?

i think i'm starting to know how it feels.
with whats been happening around me recently.
its all sorts of mixed 'blue' emotions.

the disappointment, the anguish, the helplessness.
all packed into one and trapped inside of u.

and if u feel that way, what about God?
especially for believers.

you pray, and you tell God, "God, you're my Lord, you're my king, my saviour, God you are a Father to me."

and you remain faithless.
if you're wondering how it feels,
its all the 'blue' feelings all packed into one. multiply it by hundreds or thousand times. maybe even more.

and that is how He feels.

so Brothers and Sisters in Christ, it is really my prayer that u remain faithful to God. to tell Him,"Father, i'm faithful. and no matter what comes, i know they are all from Your hands. and i thank you."

Me being - rebuking and rebuked

HOW FAITHLESS YOU ARE!!

this is the line i'm always tempted to say to those who are faithless and pesimistic.
if you know God, and if you truely believe in Him, why are you still feeling this way?

why do you look down on God's power?
who do you think God is?
do you really think that He doesnt care at all?

God's power is so strong, so mighty. yet when it comes to those little little details, He's still able to be so precise and can define the smallest of things.
His power's perfect. PERFECT i tell you.


yet at the same time, it is something that i struggle with.
haha.
its so ironic but true.
especially this week, things just didnt feel right and i feel like i'm starting to lose faith and doubt Him again.
i know all the things i've said up there. all so clearly. yet sometimes emotions just covers them up altogether.

i'm still feeling kinda blue. and its so random.
because nothing really big happened that caused me to feel like this.

i'm still meditating on in.
still spending time with God.
trying to unwrap this unhappy emotion around my spiritual being.
to tear it away from the Holy Spirit.

i know that He is there.
i know that He knows how i feel.
but why i'm feeling like this, i know that He is letting me go throught it for a reason.
a reason that i've yet to know.

so, you faithless people. isnt it time to strengthen ur faith?

Me being - Money-minded

Money, how much do they mean to u?

do u really need money?
or do u just love money?
would u do anything for it?


i believe that its something that all of us struggle with.
i know i use to.
maybe now at times i still want more.

more than what God has provided.

and so what if i got it?
in the end, i feel like sin is consuming me spiritually. slowly but surely.
and ultimately, so what if u've got money?
i dont know about u, but i know that i feel hollow inside.


people, let me ask u, what do u need most in life?

money?
have u ever thought about ur after life?
does this amount of money follow u when u leave earth? when u leave this body of urs?

have u ever thought about it, what if u strike 4D today or toto, then u die tomorrow?
ironic isnt it?
but it happens.

then maybe some of u will want to ask me,
so, what is it in life that we should regard as most important?

i'd say to worship and honor our Lord God Jesus Christ.
maybe u'd say that i'm biased, why not alah or the buddah or something?
why do i say that Jesus Christ is the one true God?

then i do have got some questions for u people,
1. which other god died for us?
2. which other god is willing to come down to our level to share a meal with us?
3. if u say that Jesus is just a prophet, have u ever read the new testimont in the bible clearly?

if He was just a prophet and nothing else, then why is it u still choose to follow the old testimont for some of u other religion?

and when u say u worship God, when u say that u love God,
why do u still choose to worship something earthly, like say,
money?

think about it.

Me being - human

it can't get anymore obvious than that.


today i want to tap on the topic on worldly things.
what does worldly mean, u ask me?

i'd say anything that belong in this world that wont follow you when u die.
thats worldly.

and being human, its very hard to not be attached to things belonging to this world.
your car.
your pet.
your spouse.
your favourite soft toy.

whatever.

and thats because u see them everyday, u can touch them everyday.
and thats how u start getting very attached to them.

and He who created us knows that it will definitely happen.
but why is it He left it here for us to continue being attached to them?
why didnt He just destroy anything that He knew that would hinder our relationships with Him?

No, its not because He did not care.
as a matter of fact, i know that He cares so much for us that He chose not to destroy them.
YES! Because He who created us loves us.

but what are we doing in return?
does He not deserve all our praise and worship?
is that too much for Him to ask for?

treat Him like a spouse, a girl/boyfriend maybe.
and think of how deeply in love you with them.
how much feelings u can readily pour out for them.

this is how He feels, if u multiply it by hundreds or thousands.
i do not really know how much this blog can impact into ur lives, those who are reading.

but it is my prayer that you will be able to come and see His face and acknowledge Him one day.
sometimes i just wish to shout in ur face to stop being so stubborn.
but instead, i'd just want u guys to know something very special that my friend shared with me once:
'whether you believe in Him or not, dont worry, just speak to Him. share with Him your wants and needs. pour out your troubles to Him.
He will definitely listen. He will listen to you whether you believe in Him or not.
No strings attached.'

yes. amazing isnt it. how much love can one give to sinners.

Me being - an E-Lite

i feel really blessed to be an E-Lite,
to be in such a warm family who suppers and have cell groups for 2 days most of a time.
its real fun.

in this family, we have wonderful characters who contrast one and other in a beautiful way.
it just feels so perfect.

indeed this is God's grace and may we be a great testimony to others.

and eventhough each of us have our own dreams and goals, we have one big objective in mind and that is to honor God with who we are.

its really nice to know that there'll be people who're willing to be there for u if u ever need help.

and i really thank you guys.
and am looking to grow with you guys physically and spiritually this new year!