Me being - full of expectations

expectations.
sometimes that i struggle with, especially when i pray to God.

expecting things to happen.
but is that what we should do when we pray?

God created us, He's here even before the beginning of time. He created our forefathers from centuries/milleniums ago.

He, of all people should know best. so why should we still expect?
for He shall provide for us what's best for us.
He's our Lord God. remember?
kept that in mind?

sometimes for me, it still hasnt.
especially when emotions sets in. i pray about something with expectations.
i pray about something with a target already in mind.

and God doesnt work this way.
when we pray, we should still embrace God's will. not our will.

its hard. especially if its something that's an issue. specially if its something that you really want to happen.

i'm an introvert. especially when it comes to groups. i just dont seem to be able to express myself the way i want to.
thats why i'm usually quiet. unless i'm totally comfortable with the group.
unless i know u well, and u know me as well.

Jesus. so glorious you are. so beautiful.
i apologise for feeling this way time and time again.
sometimes i just wish to have this authority to stand between 'hh' and everyone else and push them away. snapping at them to back off.
what's this crazy feeling?
is it jealousy. perhaps...
please take this feeling away. because its really affecting how i should be growing in u.
i'm just so shrouded with so many things i dont need this as an extra distraction from you.
evermore the King above all.
i feel that i destroyed a wonderful and spiritual day with you. by feeling how i'm feeling now at this moment.
i try to escape, but it contradicts my prayers to u.
please Father, please provide me with a way out.
on how i should feel. on how i should act.
why am i feeling like this after praying and promising you that i'd stay away from silly relationships for at least 2 years?
until my family comes to believe in you, i do not want to let someone else into my heart.
there's just so much to do.
its best if i have the gift of celibacy aint it Lord?
this way i can give u my all. with no one to share my heart with.
being able to give you my entire heart.
let Your will be done.
Yours. not mine.