Me being - on a rollercoaster ride.

I dont know. sometimes i say that i am alright, the next moment i'm down in the dumps again.
its like an emotional roller-coaster ride.

never thought that i'd be in such a mess.
never thought that i'd become like this.
thought that what i've been through will help enable me to be stronger when the same situation comes again.
then why is it i'm falling down again?
why is it my heart feel so tired?

feel like taking the easy way out of it.
sometimes just wish that i can sleep and dont have to wake up again.

dealing with it.
aint know how to at times.
but. yea.

Me being - readjusting

yea. its been depressing and all.
sometimes i dont see the light at all.

then she told me how she did it. take it step by step. and see what He will open up for us.
i am sorry to have hurt u again. sorry to have brought u back to where i am standing.

i'm learning now, finally i guess. to look at things from ur perspective. ur point of view.
guess i never really put my faith in Him. never really trusted Him wholeheartedly.
never Loved Him above all.

i'm learning now, please dont leave me alone anymore alright.
haha.
what a thing to say.

never thought that a big guy would break down to tears.
to a point to thoughts of suicidal.
well. re-adjusting.

work in progress.
:)

Me being - tired

I would say that i'm finally feeling so tired.
so tired of whats going on. so tired of myself. so tired of life basically.

i dont know who i am anymore. i dont know what's my objective anymore.
i feel so tired of the mess that i'm in right now.

i hate myself so much sometimes. for being so stupid. for holding on to things so tightly.
and i'm just so tired of how things have been going on in my life beause it has always been a case of letting go.

and i'm unable to let go. not that i dont want to. but i dont know how to.
i feel so stupid typing all this.

i just feel so alone. feel so meaningless. so purposeless.
i dont know anything anymore.

i'm giving myself a few more days to think about it.
but i wont be irresponsible if things were to really happen.

so tired of feeling like this.
feeling so broken.
i dont know who that guy in the mirror is anymore.

Me being - footy coach

Well. title says it.
a step towards what i plan to do in future and that is to be the man who'll be building the foundation of young players in terms of soccer.

imagine producing fantastic players who can one day play for the national team?
its a dream though.

it has been a week now. 2 sessions with the boys.
not really impressed with their attendance. but i'll be reinforcing that rule to them the next session.

well. it has been fun. looking at training from a different view. usually i'll be the one running around like a dog, but for this case its different.

i would pray for the boys. and hope that i can be an icon for them to love the game more.
and that they can take the game seriously.

yea, and people who's reading this.
if u have any ideas on how to motivate the kids and yada yada, just fill in ur comments in the comment box yea.

professional footy coach in the making...

Me being - puzzled.

Is it still there?
Is it gone?

Do i dare to even find out?
it has been so long hasnt it?

maybe u are with someone now.
maybe u're not?

Do i dare know?
Do i dare ask?

Why does it still hurt?
Why do i still cry whenever i think about it?

I'll never know.
Perhaps because it was THAT special to me.

It was, it still is and it always will be.

how many nights i've spent just thinking about us
how many nights have i spent crying myself to sleep?

Oh. i'll never know.
It has been so long hasnt it?

Every night i spend alittle time with God.
Still holding on to the relationship.
Still praying for it.

Do i still miss you?
Do i still wish for things to be the way they were before?

Yes i do.

Shouldnt we have sat down together to pray for it instead of letting it go?
Shouldnt we have done something about it rather than moving on?

Tell me love, tell me.

sometimes i just wish to hold on to you.
just look at you and plant a kiss so deep it'll be unforgettable.

i miss u.