It starts out simply enough: A man and woman get together, they share some wine, they go back to her place, their relationship grows, they laugh and they fight, and they become-tada!-a couple. And then something happens: They're supposed to share everything with each other. Their fears. Their dreams. Their thoughts. Their bills. Their medicine cabinets. And that's when this simple little romance starts to get complicated. in most relationships, there's such a thing as too much sharing-and I believe that a little discretion at the right time in the right situation is not only a good thing, but also could actually improve relationships. As long as you're not breaking the relationship rules-like playing tonsil hockey while the goalie isn't watching-then a little mystery can be a good thing. Here, five secrets you should keep to yourself-because not saying something will actually speak volumes.
You Don't Turn Me on Right Now
Granted, there will be days when your partner walks into the room and everything sparkles-moments like these make us count our blessings. But there are going to be other moments when your woman looks less like Cindy Crawford and more like Broderick Crawford, and when your guy is less Hugh Grant than Lou Grant. But when the occasional fashion faux pas or haircut from Edward Scissorshands comes around, swallow your tongue. If you want him or her to wear certain styles, compliment what you like, and ignore what you don't. Eventually, they'll get the message-but without the hurt feelings.
I Flirt With Others at Work
The stats don't lie: About 40 percent of men and 35 percent of women have lusted after a co-worker-without ever making a move. Even if you have no intention of taking it anywhere, nobody wants to think of their significant others spending 8, 10, 12 hours a day around flirtatious and attractive co-workers, especially when they look, smell and behave at their very best. Want to share sexual secrets? Confess your attraction to Hollywood celebs, not the co-workers in the adjacent cube.
I Can't Stand Your Friends
Your partner's circle of friends probably come in three different categories: a perfect package, nice enough, and how the hell can the two of you be friends? In that last category, there are all kinds of crazies-maybe she's too controlling, or maybe he's a bad influence. Whatever the case, know your audience. You may not like the friends, but your partner has more history with them than with you. So while they may not rank high on your personal list, keep it to yourself. Boxing out a man's friends is a relationship deal breaker, according to 83 percent of men we surveyed. And 62 percent of women would end a relationship if a guy doesn't get along with her friends.
I Still Think About My Ex
While it's natural to think about your ex, the Internet has increasingly made exes a bigger threat than ever before. The phenomenon of searching online for one's ex, which the majority of Americans admit to, can really make your partner jealous and fearful-especially since the phenomenon of people reuniting with very old flames has recently exploded (again, because of the Internet). You put your exes in the past; do the same with any conversation about them.
I Can't Live Without You
Why? Number one, it's not true; you can live without them. And number two, the key to a successful long-term relationship is to ensure that you've got your own life. You can say I love you, I enjoy you, I desire you, I appreciate you. You don't say I can't live without you. A partner should never feel trapped. He or she should be making a choice every day to be with you. And you, with them.
source: http://health.yahoo.com/experts/menlovesex/40807/5-secrets-you-should-keep-from-your-partner
writer David Zinczenko is the editor in chief of Men's health. He is also the editorial director of magazine 'Best Life'. Some of the books David written are 'Men, Love and Sex' and 'The Abs Diet'
Showing posts with label women. Show all posts
Showing posts with label women. Show all posts
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
Me being - honest to my partner
During a relationship, two-thirds of both men and women consider friendship to be the most important attribute in relationships, not all couples talk to each other like friends. Often, in fact, we stay bottled up like a old wine when the best course of action would be to start pouring it all out. The following secrets are ones many of us tend to keep hidden, but really shouldn't.
I've Got Issues
True story. An editor at Men's Health went on a radio show talking about relationships, and a listener phoned in, confused as to why a recent relationship didn't work out. He confessed that he had been in prison for years-but he didn't tell her until they were already months deep into the relationship. An extreme example, of course, but the point is that most of us are hesitant to reveal our quirks (don't eat anything green), our pasts (It took me seven years to graduate), our opinions (The president is a ______), and our issues (I never want kids) that may scare off potential partners. I'm not suggesting putting out a weirdo alert, but somewhere early on-maybe date six or so-it's smart to reveal at least pieces of who you are. Otherwise, you're just wasting your time, because when the truth does come out, your partner will feel mad-and duped.
I'm Getting Pursued
It's not the easiest thing in the world to tell your partner that a co-worker, or friend, or random barista is making moves on you. After all, you don't want to appear like you're gloating, you don't want to instigate jealousy, and you don't want your partner to be alarmed. If the chase has elevated from innocent flirting to serious pursuit, your partner deserves to know that you're in someone's lusting cross-hairs. Plus, by telling your partner that something screwy is going on, you're actually assuring him or her that nothing is going on.
I Like That
With 53 percent of people rating their sex lives as a C or worse, there's room for some improvement. Chances are, the problem is that you're not vocal enough. It's not that you don't make enough noise in bed-but you're not vocal enough about what you like in bed. Most of us are more verbal about our sexual likes early in relationships, but once we reach the comfort zone of a relationship, we're a lot less likely to actually communicate with our partners about what we want. The best strategy: Talk about it on a long drive and not right there in the bed, so there's no pressure to immediately perform. If you let the thoughts and ideas simmer, you'll have a better chance of bringing your relationship to a boil.
I Need More
A big relationship killer: Complacency. We get into our routines-Tuesdays mean Idol, Thursdays mean Grey's, the weekend means it's time to catch up on bills, laundry, and garage-cleaning. The relationships that get as stagnant as pond water need someone to make waves, but we don't tell each other what we want. Half of men and women say that they don't always tell their partners what's bothering them. And the only way to instigate and inspire change is to stop stewing and start flapping.
source: http://health.yahoo.com/experts/menlovesex/41305/secrets-you-better-tell-your-partner
writer David Zinczenko is the editor in chief of Men's health. He is also the editorial director of magazine 'Best Life'. Some of the books David written are 'Men, Love and Sex' and 'The Abs Diet'
I've Got Issues
True story. An editor at Men's Health went on a radio show talking about relationships, and a listener phoned in, confused as to why a recent relationship didn't work out. He confessed that he had been in prison for years-but he didn't tell her until they were already months deep into the relationship. An extreme example, of course, but the point is that most of us are hesitant to reveal our quirks (don't eat anything green), our pasts (It took me seven years to graduate), our opinions (The president is a ______), and our issues (I never want kids) that may scare off potential partners. I'm not suggesting putting out a weirdo alert, but somewhere early on-maybe date six or so-it's smart to reveal at least pieces of who you are. Otherwise, you're just wasting your time, because when the truth does come out, your partner will feel mad-and duped.
I'm Getting Pursued
It's not the easiest thing in the world to tell your partner that a co-worker, or friend, or random barista is making moves on you. After all, you don't want to appear like you're gloating, you don't want to instigate jealousy, and you don't want your partner to be alarmed. If the chase has elevated from innocent flirting to serious pursuit, your partner deserves to know that you're in someone's lusting cross-hairs. Plus, by telling your partner that something screwy is going on, you're actually assuring him or her that nothing is going on.
I Like That
With 53 percent of people rating their sex lives as a C or worse, there's room for some improvement. Chances are, the problem is that you're not vocal enough. It's not that you don't make enough noise in bed-but you're not vocal enough about what you like in bed. Most of us are more verbal about our sexual likes early in relationships, but once we reach the comfort zone of a relationship, we're a lot less likely to actually communicate with our partners about what we want. The best strategy: Talk about it on a long drive and not right there in the bed, so there's no pressure to immediately perform. If you let the thoughts and ideas simmer, you'll have a better chance of bringing your relationship to a boil.
I Need More
A big relationship killer: Complacency. We get into our routines-Tuesdays mean Idol, Thursdays mean Grey's, the weekend means it's time to catch up on bills, laundry, and garage-cleaning. The relationships that get as stagnant as pond water need someone to make waves, but we don't tell each other what we want. Half of men and women say that they don't always tell their partners what's bothering them. And the only way to instigate and inspire change is to stop stewing and start flapping.
source: http://health.yahoo.com/experts/menlovesex/41305/secrets-you-better-tell-your-partner
writer David Zinczenko is the editor in chief of Men's health. He is also the editorial director of magazine 'Best Life'. Some of the books David written are 'Men, Love and Sex' and 'The Abs Diet'
Thursday, April 19, 2007
Me being - THE MAN...
Some relationships end with fighting. Some end with crying. Some end with sex. Some end with verbal insults (or dishes) being thrown at sound-barrier-breaking speeds. Whatever the case, break-ups can be uglier than some Dancing with the Stars performances. Let's face it: some relationships aren't meant to be, so a break-up averts a bigger disaster. So when the Love Boat hits the iceberg, who handles it better? My answer: Women. Several studies show that men experience more depression, distress, and anxiety after break-ups than women do. Men might like to come across as being tougher than overcooked steak after a breakup, but the truth is that they're actually more the consistency of jelly. Believe me-I see the letters of hundreds of men desperate for advice on how to win their ex back. Here's why some men come undone during a breakup:
Men Mask Their Pain
When a guy is dumped, his first reaction is: I'll show her. How he sometimes does it: With a couple pitchers and a night out with the guys. In fact, 26 percent of men say that the dumped party should get drunk with the guys after a break-up, according to a Men's Health online survey. But those beer swillers are actually in the minority: 36 percent say a guy should look at his new ex, smile, and thank her. The thing is, both of those reactions are exactly the same thing-masks for their true feelings. They can't deal with being hurt, or angry, or bummed. It's not until after they get past their initial reaction that men actually mourn the loss of the relationship. Women are more likely to cry soon after the breakup, and they're also more likely to use straight talk when ending a relationship, studies find. So women face their relationship blues head on, and get them out of their systems earlier. Many men tend to repress their reaction, so it lingers like basement mold.
Men Have Fewer Friends
One of the reasons why women can get over sour relationships faster than the guys they breaks up with is that women have an amazing network of people to latch on to. Research indicates that men depend on romantic relationships for emotional intimacy and social support, whereas women are more likely to turn to family and female friends to satisfy those needs. Mothers, sisters, friends, hairdressers, cabbies, whoever-the more times she tells the story about what a jerk he was, the better she's going to feel. A man, on the other hand, stays corked. Often he shrugs off a break-up with a shoulder shrug, shoots a Jager shot, and tries to convince himself that he's not upset. That is, until about six months later, at 1AM after the fourth pitcher, when he confesses to his buds that all he ever wanted is for Janelle to take him back.
Men Hate Starting Over
After the break-up, a man may feel an initial surge of excitement of future prospects-the women he's yet to meet. But after three, four, or two dozen dates, he realizes that it's going to take a long time to reach the level of comfort he had with his ex. Research conducted at Carnegie Mellon University suggests that women adjust better to the end of a relationship because they've already given consideration to the possibility of a break-up, whereas men are typically unprepared for it. While that sense of emotional security can't be the only reason to stay together, it also makes him realize that he was very lucky to have a woman like her. Meanwhile, she's already moved on. And perhaps the only time he lets his guard down enough to admit the emotional truth is when he's drunk dialing her. And that's too little, way too late.
Men Idealize the Dating Game
Many breakups are a knee-jerk reaction to what men perceive as stagnation: He's bored with the same restaurants, the same petty arguments, the repetitive sex. Once he's back on the prowl, he thinks, he'll be bedding 10s and living the high life. After the break-up, however, he quickly realizes that the singles scene isn't all champagne and half-naked strangers--it's work. Instead of the exciting bar scene, he finds that he misses the intimacy of his past relationship. Studies show that women consistently outscore men on measures of social, sexual, and intellectual intimacy--and women are often quicker than men to realize that intimacy provides the foundation of a lasting relationship, not the sexual thrills.
Have your own theories about who handles break-ups better, or a good story to share. Weigh in here.
Men Mask Their Pain
When a guy is dumped, his first reaction is: I'll show her. How he sometimes does it: With a couple pitchers and a night out with the guys. In fact, 26 percent of men say that the dumped party should get drunk with the guys after a break-up, according to a Men's Health online survey. But those beer swillers are actually in the minority: 36 percent say a guy should look at his new ex, smile, and thank her. The thing is, both of those reactions are exactly the same thing-masks for their true feelings. They can't deal with being hurt, or angry, or bummed. It's not until after they get past their initial reaction that men actually mourn the loss of the relationship. Women are more likely to cry soon after the breakup, and they're also more likely to use straight talk when ending a relationship, studies find. So women face their relationship blues head on, and get them out of their systems earlier. Many men tend to repress their reaction, so it lingers like basement mold.
Men Have Fewer Friends
One of the reasons why women can get over sour relationships faster than the guys they breaks up with is that women have an amazing network of people to latch on to. Research indicates that men depend on romantic relationships for emotional intimacy and social support, whereas women are more likely to turn to family and female friends to satisfy those needs. Mothers, sisters, friends, hairdressers, cabbies, whoever-the more times she tells the story about what a jerk he was, the better she's going to feel. A man, on the other hand, stays corked. Often he shrugs off a break-up with a shoulder shrug, shoots a Jager shot, and tries to convince himself that he's not upset. That is, until about six months later, at 1AM after the fourth pitcher, when he confesses to his buds that all he ever wanted is for Janelle to take him back.
Men Hate Starting Over
After the break-up, a man may feel an initial surge of excitement of future prospects-the women he's yet to meet. But after three, four, or two dozen dates, he realizes that it's going to take a long time to reach the level of comfort he had with his ex. Research conducted at Carnegie Mellon University suggests that women adjust better to the end of a relationship because they've already given consideration to the possibility of a break-up, whereas men are typically unprepared for it. While that sense of emotional security can't be the only reason to stay together, it also makes him realize that he was very lucky to have a woman like her. Meanwhile, she's already moved on. And perhaps the only time he lets his guard down enough to admit the emotional truth is when he's drunk dialing her. And that's too little, way too late.
Men Idealize the Dating Game
Many breakups are a knee-jerk reaction to what men perceive as stagnation: He's bored with the same restaurants, the same petty arguments, the repetitive sex. Once he's back on the prowl, he thinks, he'll be bedding 10s and living the high life. After the break-up, however, he quickly realizes that the singles scene isn't all champagne and half-naked strangers--it's work. Instead of the exciting bar scene, he finds that he misses the intimacy of his past relationship. Studies show that women consistently outscore men on measures of social, sexual, and intellectual intimacy--and women are often quicker than men to realize that intimacy provides the foundation of a lasting relationship, not the sexual thrills.
Have your own theories about who handles break-ups better, or a good story to share. Weigh in here.
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