Me being - thankful

so, it goes like this.
boy meets girl. boy likes girl. boy asks girl out.

okay, haha. that was random.

anyways. life's been rough lately. not the ideal kind of life u would wish to have.
so so busy. no time to stop to take a breath.

really thank God for this Good Friday break. cos i was able to wake up at 1pm yesterday!!
PRAISE GOD!
i slept like 12 hours. it was real good rest. but i still feel worn.
well, Father, i'd be looking forward to the next time u let me sleep long hours again.
weee.

yea. tmr's work day again. kinda dread it. in a way.
there just seem to be so many things to do.
so so so many!!
courses after courses. paper work after paper work.
and having the kind of colleagues around me isnt really helping much.
dont really wanna bombard them in front of the whole world.

if u wanna know just ask me personally and i'll tell u.
haha.

yea. but i still look forward to the week. to see how God work His wonders in me, with me and around me.

yup.
off to doing QT now. ciao. :)

Me being - involved in a emotional warfare.

Sometimes it still haunts me. feelings that i thought were drowned and buried.
but it still comes back and it hits me so hard. like when u run into a wall while sprinting at 60miles/hr.

I do not understand sometimes. what are your plans for me. you took away something that meant so much. and oh yea it sure hurt a whole lot. but i chose to stay. i chose to hold on.
i still tell you i love you O'Lord. i really do.

ur love is supposed to be enough, then why is it this feeling of losing that someone still hurt so badly?

As i listen to 'Saviour King' by Hillsongs, it just touches me so emotionally. haha.
ever felt sad but too tired to cry? cos thats how i feel.

i pray for strength. i'm so tired that i just seem like i cant carry on anymore.
O Lord, i feel so dispensable. the way i was treated. i just cant help but ask, what am i doing here?
because it feels so superficial. and i'm so disturbed at how somethings are going on. feeling so out of place.
but what does it matter? nobody bothers.

i get this restlessness in me.
this thought of just giving up and lie down not doing anything.

how i wish.
2 years, i told you. i want to give my heart to you during this 2 years.

O'King, pls be my rock. be my provider O'Lord. for your love alone is sufficient.
be my provider O'Lord, as i lay my faith on you.

Me being - delighted through troubled times

Recently, i feel that God has thrown me into a dumpster. haha.
not trying to say that He does not care or that He looks at me as though i'm like s#it.

but it does feel that way. i aint complaining though
just that sometimes i feel alittle overwhelmed by the things going on.

have not been able to rest after the camp. the weekends seemed so short and the week has started again.
time really doesnt wait for anyone huh.

a roll of an eye and i'm nearly one year with AMKPC!!!
YEAY!!
okay i'll talk about it alittle later. now, about my week first.

this week has been in a rather fast tempo. had guard duty on monday. and through the week i have to start preparing for a course which is starting next week. gosh.
hadnt really slept well since monday. today's wednesday. i didnt read the Bible the last 2 days, so i owe myself extra chapters. hohoho.
man, i owe myself time for rest as well. then there's night training tomorrow night.
ahhh!!

and not forgetting MAS SELAMAT!!! this guy's a whole load of trouble. really pray that he'll be caught soon. causing such a national uproar due to his absense.
plus. rumours are that civil defense are going to increase the number of people doing guard duty, and it spells trouble. cos it means more guard duty.
feeling kinda stressed out even as i'm typing this.
BUT... He is there and will always be here for me.
:D
thats heartwarming enough.

looking forward to this friday.
finally having CG again!! yeay.
its been so so so long. and it really feels like something's missing for so so so long.
really pray that this friday during cg, we'll be deeply enriched by word. to refill me spiritually!!

and also. come next 1st April will be my first year in AMKPC!!
it has been a very eventful year. alot of emotional ups and downs.
alot of growing physically and more importantly spiritually.
i really thank God and pray that He'll continue guiding me with my journey with Him.
How wonderful. How marvelous.

well. with my first year of christianhood coming to an end, i'm looking forward to this coming eventful year with God.

Me being - blessed (and relieved)

hey yall.

i'm back from camp. and to be honest, it wasnt as bad as i perceived it to be.
and i want to thank God for being there for me.
but i dont think i wanna do it so regularly. the camp that is.



i'm quite burnt up. haha. i feel like i'm still wearing a skintight t-shirt everytime after i take off my clothes.
its kinda hilarious.
but sitting down on this chair and typing on the keyboard and looking at the screen,

i feel at home. a feeling that i miss alot. i dont know how to explain this but, it just feels so peaceful. so wonderful.

it feels like i'm experiencing a very quiet and connected time with God. even as i type. i do not know how to explain this. but this is how it feels.

indeed God is brilliant. He walked me through this week so closely. its as though He's holding on to my hand as we cross a junction full of vehicles moving to and fro. the mighty hand of God, used to hold on to my tiny hand. how amazing is that.

sometimes when i think back, i feel so ashamed of myself. God has made my life so good and yet at times i still choose to complain. as though i'll never be satisfied.
and He will still be there to forgive me. He will still be there being patient with me and entertain me.
This is how marvelous our Lord God Jesus is.
The man who died on the cross, and came back to life on the 3rd day. He who was prosecuted by us is here ready to rescue us.

How wonderful is that.

Me being - dreadful of this coming week.

even as this week is only beginning, i'm looking forward to friday already.
thats because this is going to be a very hectic week. and with so many stuff going on. sometimes i'll just stand down there and stone. letting my pentium 2, 200mgh brain process everything.

haha.
sometimes i just want to make sure everything's alright that i end up screwing them up.
how ironic right?

i missed church today, and it was not really good feeling.
as a matter of fact, i dislike this feeling alot alot alot!!!!
argh.

i'm not going to do it again, unless i have duty that is.
i wouldnt wanna miss church for anything. lol.
especially during this phase of my life, while i'm so busy with serving the nation. i just dont have the kind of time i use to have where i can visit the church anytime, any day.

those were the days.

anyways people, i really need your prayers for this week.
as my role of an instructor is going to begin in 3 weeks. (i'm starting my first actual course)
i really pray that things will go smoothly as i prepare all the admin stuff for the course.
i'm a instructor's instructor btw. that is, i'm kinda in-charge of this course for civil defense where i'll take officers and NsF who'll go through this course to equip them with skills to be an instructor. the course is called IPC (instructor prep course) :D.

that'll be for monday and tuesday. then i have guard duty on tuesday night!! gosh.
thats not all.

on wednesday, i've to leave straight from my guard area and rush off to changi village as there's a camp going on from wednesday to friday (3D2N).
how silly of me to have accept this task. imagine me taking off and leave to work elsewhere.
(btw, to me, its not really honoring God if u're serving the nation and working part time, cos God did ask us to obey the higher authority. and this camp thing was due to some complicated issues)

anyways, thats not more.
i'm in-charge of the logistics.
which means that whether or not the camp moves smoothly, its all resting on my shoulders.

and i'm so worried that i might screw things up here and there.

man.... i really dread this week.
already looking forward to friday lor.
people, pls keep me in prayers.
especially for prayers for me to have some time to do qt with God.
thanks in advance.
BLESSED WEEK!!

Me being - faithless

How would you feel when someone doesnt have faith in u?
what if that someone is someone close to u?

i think i'm starting to know how it feels.
with whats been happening around me recently.
its all sorts of mixed 'blue' emotions.

the disappointment, the anguish, the helplessness.
all packed into one and trapped inside of u.

and if u feel that way, what about God?
especially for believers.

you pray, and you tell God, "God, you're my Lord, you're my king, my saviour, God you are a Father to me."

and you remain faithless.
if you're wondering how it feels,
its all the 'blue' feelings all packed into one. multiply it by hundreds or thousand times. maybe even more.

and that is how He feels.

so Brothers and Sisters in Christ, it is really my prayer that u remain faithful to God. to tell Him,"Father, i'm faithful. and no matter what comes, i know they are all from Your hands. and i thank you."

Me being - rebuking and rebuked

HOW FAITHLESS YOU ARE!!

this is the line i'm always tempted to say to those who are faithless and pesimistic.
if you know God, and if you truely believe in Him, why are you still feeling this way?

why do you look down on God's power?
who do you think God is?
do you really think that He doesnt care at all?

God's power is so strong, so mighty. yet when it comes to those little little details, He's still able to be so precise and can define the smallest of things.
His power's perfect. PERFECT i tell you.


yet at the same time, it is something that i struggle with.
haha.
its so ironic but true.
especially this week, things just didnt feel right and i feel like i'm starting to lose faith and doubt Him again.
i know all the things i've said up there. all so clearly. yet sometimes emotions just covers them up altogether.

i'm still feeling kinda blue. and its so random.
because nothing really big happened that caused me to feel like this.

i'm still meditating on in.
still spending time with God.
trying to unwrap this unhappy emotion around my spiritual being.
to tear it away from the Holy Spirit.

i know that He is there.
i know that He knows how i feel.
but why i'm feeling like this, i know that He is letting me go throught it for a reason.
a reason that i've yet to know.

so, you faithless people. isnt it time to strengthen ur faith?