simply just being myself - FANTASTIC

Me being - moulded

2008-09-21T07:23:00.000-07:00

i wanna learn to thank you each day. no matter what happens. no matter what is being thrown in my way. i thank you.
because u see what lies ahead. and you know that it is for the best.
so i wanna learn to embrace it and not complain so much.

things have not been the best times of my life.
but i aint complaining no more.
instead, i'm learning to take it step by step. to see the greater picture being revealed.

my heart's been caught.
and its pacing so quickly.
please tell me how should handle this situation i've gotten myself into.
should i stay, or should i just let go?
teach me.

mould me.
mould me like clay. mould me into an exquisite art piece.
mould me into a man of ur heart.

i'm crying out to u.
please do not turn your head away.
please hold me in ur arms and whisper into my ears these words," do not fear for i am here "
hold me tightly, letting me know that i am not alone.
let me feel ur embrace.

Me being - a purpose driven son

2008-07-27T08:10:00.000-07:00

He fell to his knees, cried out loud, tore his clothes and shaved all the hair on his body.

I've completed my 40 days discipleship training. i took alittle longer than 40 days though.
haha. but that's besides the point.

it has been pretty rough, this 40 days.
i know that Satan has been trying hard to stop me, always helping me find excuses like tired, lazy or even using my psp to tempt me when i'm preparing myself for the day's lesson.

oh well. i feel kinda relieved that i've finally completed the book, and i really encourage everyone to go through this discipleship training.

just give Him 40 days of your time and grow in Him.

lessons being taught are those that i'll pass on to my disciplers in future.
so, what's next?

Srimal passed me this book 2 months back, the time when i was persecuted at work.
nearly went into DB due to carelessness. (well, thats besides the point)

yea, i'd probably start on it this coming week.
eventhough its tiring and stuff reading. and reading not being the things that Dennis would do.
but i know that this is the time where i am able to grow in the Lord the most.
NS is really a very difficult time for me. but its a process God wants me to go through, and hopefully before i know it, it'll finish.

i've been serving for nearly 9 months now. the longest amount of time i 'work for a company'.
but i'm still learning to take things step by step. not wanting to stress myself out too much.

the end of this week will mark the start of my 10th month serving. woohoo?
haha. premature counting down.

do pray for me.

Me being - on a one way road to meet Him

2008-07-15T04:18:00.000-07:00

one life, live it.

this should be the catch phrase of all believers in Christ.
why stress? :D

we live for Him and for Him only.

i've been pretty stressed out recently. working under temperamental regulars who would burst out at you for any mistakes you make.

sometimes i feel so spiritually deserted at work.

i mean, i've been trying so hard to do what i can at work.
trying to be a good worker, yet i'm so paranoid with what could happen.
so afraid of making mistakes.

sometimes i feel that being scolded is starting to become a weekly thing.
but i'm still trying to do my best.
trying to meet their requirements.

not doing it for them.
but i just want to be cooperative for God.
see how He can work in my life through this situation.
if He's happy, i'm satisfied.

so i should just live my life without any worries anymore.

Me being - imaginative.

2008-06-09T05:29:00.000-07:00

I-M-A-G-I-N-A-T-I-O-N

its a very big word aint it. its such a powerful thing.
look at how the world has moved. how the world have progressed through the years with the slightest spark of IMAGINATION.

haha, its funny because when i think about this word, i'll always think of Spongebob and Patrick inside the box where they let their 'IMAGINATION' run wild.

and the internet's a very practical example of a human's mind.
it can lead you anywhere. get you any information u yearn.

whatever you are looking for, the latest movies, the latest buzz.
latest sports score.

its so wonderful isnt it?

and yet if we abuse it. look at how bad it can lead us.
take a look at this metaphor i'm going to drawing.

you're surfing the web when an icon pop up leading you to x-rated sites.
you clicked on it and tons of pop-ups appear.
you try to close them to no avail because when u close 1 another will come up.
as your last resort, you switched off the main power switch and restart your computer.

to your horror, the whole system crashed the moment you enter your desktop.

just 1 click, and it leads to such a disasterous outcome.

well, haha. that was pretty dramatic but things like this do happen.
during service yesterday, Reverend Abel Thomas was preaching about sins.
and its just so real.
this is what he said," sin is like a bite from a snake. just one small bite, and it'll spread the poison throughout your body and you'll eventually die "

so how has my starting of 'IMAGINATION' led to this thing about sin u might wonder.
i just would like to point out to all (including myself) that imagination is really a powerful tool that God had given us.
but if we abuse it, if we misuse it for sinful things. it'll be like poison passing through our body.
and i believe that sin begins from the head. (feelings to an extent also)

an alcoholic think of drinking, and eventually he'll be binge drinking.
a drug addict think of getting high and eventually he'll be jabbing himself with needles or taking pills.
an average man think of sexy ladies and he'll end up in a porn site or even worse he goes looking for prostitutes to satisfy his sexual lust.

guess this is the reason why i need God.
because i know that with this imagination and without Him, i'll be sinning deeper and deeper.
a friend shared with me today, the teachings from the Bible without Jesus will just be a book teaching us about the high moral standards we should keep.
which is why the relationship we have with Him is what counts most.

Me being - screwed by the uniform.

2008-06-06T22:32:00.000-07:00

I WANT TO ORD!!!

the regimentations, the abuse of power.

getting to face a charge anytime anywhere. its as scary as it gets.
signing extras anytime an officer feels like giving u one.

uniform life's pretty screwed up isnt it?

living in fear of getting picked out for a silly minor offences.
old officers who thinks that they know everything.
old officers are those who dawn on a streak of moustache between their nose and upper lip.

haha.

sometimes i just feel that i'm just terribly unlucky.
trying to work hard and yet still getting pin-pointed.
offending officers just because they dont like me.

work has been a struggle and i have be on my toes all the time.
just when things seem to settle down on this side, another thing happen on the other.
man.

sometimes i just feel that God's in this.
all of this.
letting me go through this for a reason of His own.

and if its for His reasons, why not?

Me being - in a pretty screwed up situation

2008-05-19T05:28:00.000-07:00

haha.
just look at that!!

the downhill tumble of me through the whole of last week.

-on monday i took my driving test.
and i passed!! i was so happy. so elated.
i wanted to tell everyone about it.

-on tuesday, in the morning. i was sitting in the office minding my own business and was scolded by my captain.
well, perhaps its due to my ignorance or what. but apparantly i was supposed to be downstairs inside the classroom looking after the trainees instead.
well. that just spoilt my entire day.
and it killed the atmosphere of my passing of my driving test.
it sure did.

-wednesday was quite alright.

-thursday, i was almost charged in the office because i missed out on rept.
rept's some time keeper thing that nsfs are assigned to do sometimes.
that one was not that bad because i believe i have substantial reason to escape the charges.

(then came thursday's night training.)

it was one faithful night at hougang mrt station. i had to miss out on a birthday celebration with a friend because of night training.
i reached the station at around 12 mid night. but did not report to my captain who was waiting downstairs.
well. i was arranging the food that was brought over to the station and my senior, well. he said that we'll just wait for someone to call before we go down to report.
and what a great idea it was!!

we went down and my captain was pretty pissed off already.
then okay, thats not all.
we forgot to bring some safety vests and some equipments for training that night.
BAM!! thats it, my captain snapped.
through out the training he was in such a foul mood.
ignoring me as i ran his other minor errands.

okay. then training ended.
he "summoned" me and my senior over and were being scolded like nobody's business. with his spit flying all over the place.
yup. then came the judgement.
he said that he's going to charge us by sending us into the detention barracks.
and that sums up my entire week.

well, it destroyed my long weekend. it really did.
to think that when i report to work on tuesday, i'm definitely going to get charged.
i'm not going through a fantastic time right now.

and any prayer i can get is appreciated.
haha.
all i can do is force a smile and pretend that nothing's gonna happen.
how did things turn out so bad.

when i was sharing with srimal on friday how my whole week went.
he shared with me how David went through his trying period.
he's life was at stake. Saul was after his life.
yet God delivered. not only David was saved, he became king.

in God i hold my faith in.
in God whom i trust.
any persecutions i'm about to face, i pray that i'm ready to do it with Him.

Me being - a driver soon (hopefully)

2008-05-11T07:08:00.000-07:00

it has been too long a ride. i just pray for it to finish soon.

its so tiring to juggle work, ministry and learning driving at the same time.
what's worse is that i'm only one test away from getting my driving license.

and tomorrow's the faithful day where i get the chance to take the test again.
not trying to think so much. just hoping that the route will be a short and simple one. plus no screw ups in the circuit.
haha.

i've flunked twice and tmr will be the third. anything more than 3 times is really very embarrassing. especially me being a guy. who's supposed to find practical things easier.
or so the stereotype points toward.

anyways really am crossing my fingers now. hoping to be a driver by 13 may 2008.
wahahaha.
and one day look back at tomorrow and thank God for it.

Me being - pressed with expectations

2008-05-03T05:08:00.000-07:00

money money and more money.
i just dont dig this.

its just too sad a life to be living for money. and i realise how sad people around me are living their life. its so pathetic.
really.

u dont get the kind of enjoyment everytime u work. u worry about not having enough with u're at home. u are stressed over it all the time even when u sleep.

what's the deal with it anyways. bullshit.

and being the eldest doesnt help one bit at all.
with all the expectations pressing down on me.
i want to get another diploma, or a degree.

but what its already laid out for me to grad from poly and start working 5 years from now.
don't i get a say in this?
do i have be in a situation where i juggle with work and studies at the same time?

i dont wish to be in that situation.
but what say do i have in this.

i'm expected to be paying for the house 5 years from now. ya, maybe pay with a job that pays 5/hr. that helps alot doesnt it!

maybe its time to grow up. time for me to start paying for ur bills and taxes.
and perhaps i'll do it.
oh yea. i will.
but i really dont see me being part of this money-minded household.

Me being - full of expectations

2008-04-19T09:31:00.000-07:00

expectations.
sometimes that i struggle with, especially when i pray to God.

expecting things to happen.
but is that what we should do when we pray?

God created us, He's here even before the beginning of time. He created our forefathers from centuries/milleniums ago.

He, of all people should know best. so why should we still expect?
for He shall provide for us what's best for us.
He's our Lord God. remember?
kept that in mind?

sometimes for me, it still hasnt.
especially when emotions sets in. i pray about something with expectations.
i pray about something with a target already in mind.

and God doesnt work this way.
when we pray, we should still embrace God's will. not our will.

its hard. especially if its something that's an issue. specially if its something that you really want to happen.

i'm an introvert. especially when it comes to groups. i just dont seem to be able to express myself the way i want to.
thats why i'm usually quiet. unless i'm totally comfortable with the group.
unless i know u well, and u know me as well.

Jesus. so glorious you are. so beautiful.
i apologise for feeling this way time and time again.
sometimes i just wish to have this authority to stand between 'hh' and everyone else and push them away. snapping at them to back off.
what's this crazy feeling?
is it jealousy. perhaps...
please take this feeling away. because its really affecting how i should be growing in u.
i'm just so shrouded with so many things i dont need this as an extra distraction from you.
evermore the King above all.
i feel that i destroyed a wonderful and spiritual day with you. by feeling how i'm feeling now at this moment.
i try to escape, but it contradicts my prayers to u.
please Father, please provide me with a way out.
on how i should feel. on how i should act.
why am i feeling like this after praying and promising you that i'd stay away from silly relationships for at least 2 years?
until my family comes to believe in you, i do not want to let someone else into my heart.
there's just so much to do.
its best if i have the gift of celibacy aint it Lord?
this way i can give u my all. with no one to share my heart with.
being able to give you my entire heart.
let Your will be done.
Yours. not mine.

Me being - faithful.

2008-04-11T12:28:00.000-07:00

'Let me explain theproblem science has with Jesus Christ.'

The atheist professor of philosophy pauses before his class and then asks one of his new students to stand. 'You're a Christian, aren't you, son?'

'Yes sir,' the student says.

'So you believe inGod?'

'Absolutely.'

'Is God good?'

'Sure! God's good.'

'Is God all-powerful? Can God do anything?'

'Yes.'

'Are you good or evil?'

'The Bible says I'm evil.'

The professor grins knowingly. 'Aha! The Bible!'
He considers for a moment. 'Here's one for you. Let's say there's a sick person over here and you can cure him. You can do it. Would you help him? Would you try?'

'Yes sir, I would.'

'So you're good...!'

'I wouldn't say that.'

'But why not say that? You'd help a sick and maimed person if you could. Most of us would if we could. But God doesn't.'

The student does not answer, so the professor continues.
'He doesn't, does he? My brother was a Christian who died of cancer, even though he prayed to Jesus to heal him How is this Jesus good? Hmmm? Can you answer that one?'

The student remains silent.

'No, you can't, can you?' the professor says. He takes a sip of water from a glass on his desk to give the student time to relax.
'Let's start again, young fella. Is God good?'

'Er...yes,' the student says.

'Is Satan good?'

The student doesn't hesitate on this one. 'No.'

'Then where does Satan come from?'

The student : 'From...God..'

'That's right. God made Satan, didn't he? Tell me, son. Is there evil in this world?'

'Yes, sir.'

'Evil's everywhere, isn't it? And God did make everything, correct?'

'Yes.'

'So who created evil?'
The professor continued, 'If God created everything, then God created evil, since evil exists, and according to the principle that our works define who we are, then God is evil.'
Without allowing the student to answer, the professor continues: 'Is there sickness? Immorality? Hatred? Ugliness? All these terrible things, do they exist in this world?'

The student: 'Yes.'

'So who created them?' The student does not answer again, so the professor repeats his question. 'Who created them?

There is still no answer.
Suddenly the lecturer breaks away to pace in front of the classroom. The class is mesmerized.
'Tell me,' he continues onto another student. 'Do you believe in Jesus Christ, son?'

The student's voice is confident: 'Yes, professor, I do.'

The old man stops pacing. 'Science says you have five senses you use to identify and observe the world around you. Have you ever seen Jesus?'

'No sir. I've never seen Him.'

'Then tell us if you've ever heard your Jesus?'

'No, sir, I have not.'

'Have you ever actually felt your Jesus, tasted your Jesus or smelled your Jesus? Have you ever had any sensory perception of Jesus Christ, or God for that matter?'

'No, sir, I'm afraid I haven't.'

'Yet you still believe in him?'

'Yes.'

'According to the rules of empirical, testable, demonstrable protocol, science says your God doesn't exist. What do you say to that, son?'

'Nothing,' the student replies. 'I only have my faith.'

'Yes, faith,' the professor repeats. 'And that is the problem science has with God. There is no evidence, only faith.'

The student stands quietly for a moment, before asking a question of his own. 'Professor, is there such a thing as heat?'

'Yes,' the professor replies. 'There's heat.'

'And is there such a thing as cold?'

'Yes, son, there's cold too.'

'No sir, there isn't.' The professor turns to face the student, obviously interested.
The room suddenly becomes very quiet.

The student begins to explain. 'You can have lots of heat, even more heat, super-heat, mega-heat, unlimited heat, white heat, a little heat or no heat, but we don't have anything called 'cold'. We can hit up to 458 degrees below zero, which is no heat, but we can't go any further after that. There is no such thing as cold; otherwise we would be able to go colder than the lowest-458 degrees. Every body or object is susceptible to study when it has or transmits energy, and heat is what makes a body or matter have or transmit energy. Absolute zero (-458 F) is the total absence of heat. You see, sir, cold is only a word we use to describe the absence of heat. We cannot measure cold. Heat we can measure in thermal units because heat is energy. Cold is not the opposite of heat, sir, just the absence of it.'

Silence across the room. A pen drops somewhere in the classroom, sounding like a hammer.
'What about darkness, professor. Is there such a thing as darkness?'

'Yes,' the professor replies without hesitation.

'What is night if it isn't darkness?'

'You're wrong again, sir. Darkness is not something; it is the absence of something. You can have low light, normal light, bright light, flashing light, but if you have no light constantly you have nothing and it's called darkness, isn't it? That's the meaning we use to define the word. In reality, darkness isn't. If it were, you would be able to make darkness darker, wouldn't you?'

The professor begins to smile at the student in front of him. This will be a good semester. 'So what point are you making, young man?'

'Yes, professor. My point is, your philosophical premise is flawed to start with, and so your conclusion must also be flawed.'

The professor's face cannot hide his surprise this time. 'Flawed? Can you explain how?'
'You are working on the premise of duality,' the student explains. 'You argue that there is life and then there's death; a good God and a bad God. You are viewing the concept of God as something finite, something we can measure. Sir, science can't even explain a thought. It uses electricity and magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully understood either one. To view death as the opposite of life is to be ignorant of the fact that death cannot exist as a substantive thing. Death is not the opposite of life, just the absence of it.'

'Now tell me, professor. Do you teach your students that they evolved from a monkey?'

'If you are referring to the natural evolutionary process, young man, yes, of course I do.'

'Have you ever observed evolution with your own eyes, sir?' The professor begins to shake his head, still smiling, as he realizes where the argument is going. A very good semester, indeed.

'Since no one has ever observed the process of evolution at work and cannot even prove that this process is an on-going endeavour, are you not teaching your opinion, sir? Are you now not a scientist, but a preacher?'

The class is in uproar. The student remains silent until the commotion has subsided. 'To continue the point you were making earlier to the other student, let me give you an example of what I mean.'
The student looks around the room. 'Is there anyone in the class who has ever seen the professor's brain?'

The class breaks out into laughter. 'Is there anyone here who has ever heard the professor's brain, felt theprofessor's brain, touched or smelled the professor's brain? No one appears to have done so. So, according to the established rules of empirical, stable, demonstrable protocol, science says that you have no brain, with all due respect, sir. So if science says you have no brain, how can we trust your lectures, sir?'

Now the room is silent. The professor just stares at the student, his face unreadable. Finally, after what seems an eternity,the old man answers. 'I guess you'll have to take them on faith.'

'Now, you accept that there is faith, and, in fact, faith exists with life,' the student continues. 'Now, sir, is there such a thing as evil?'

Now uncertain, the professor responds, 'Of course, there is. We see it everyday. It is in the daily example of man's inhumanity to man. It is in the multitude of crime and violence everywhere in the world. These manifestations are nothing else but evil.'

To this the student replied, 'Evil does not exist sir, or at least it does not exist unto itself. Evil is simply the absence of God. It is just like darkness and cold, a word that man has created to describe the absence of God. God did not create evil. Evil is the result of what happens when man does not have God's love present in his heart. It's like the cold that comes when there is no heat or the darkness that comes when there is no light.'

The professor sat down.

if you've seen the ugly side of life, or if u feel that what's going on in your life filled with so much 'evil'. why dont u try knowing Him?

i guareentee that it'll be a life changing experience.
God's Bless. ;)

Me being - thankful

2008-03-23T06:29:00.000-07:00

so, it goes like this.
boy meets girl. boy likes girl. boy asks girl out.

okay, haha. that was random.

anyways. life's been rough lately. not the ideal kind of life u would wish to have.
so so busy. no time to stop to take a breath.

really thank God for this Good Friday break. cos i was able to wake up at 1pm yesterday!!
PRAISE GOD!
i slept like 12 hours. it was real good rest. but i still feel worn.
well, Father, i'd be looking forward to the next time u let me sleep long hours again.
weee.

yea. tmr's work day again. kinda dread it. in a way.
there just seem to be so many things to do.
so so so many!!
courses after courses. paper work after paper work.
and having the kind of colleagues around me isnt really helping much.
dont really wanna bombard them in front of the whole world.

if u wanna know just ask me personally and i'll tell u.
haha.

yea. but i still look forward to the week. to see how God work His wonders in me, with me and around me.

yup.
off to doing QT now. ciao. :)

Me being - involved in a emotional warfare.

2008-03-11T08:32:00.000-07:00

Sometimes it still haunts me. feelings that i thought were drowned and buried.
but it still comes back and it hits me so hard. like when u run into a wall while sprinting at 60miles/hr.

I do not understand sometimes. what are your plans for me. you took away something that meant so much. and oh yea it sure hurt a whole lot. but i chose to stay. i chose to hold on.
i still tell you i love you O'Lord. i really do.

ur love is supposed to be enough, then why is it this feeling of losing that someone still hurt so badly?

As i listen to 'Saviour King' by Hillsongs, it just touches me so emotionally. haha.
ever felt sad but too tired to cry? cos thats how i feel.

i pray for strength. i'm so tired that i just seem like i cant carry on anymore.
O Lord, i feel so dispensable. the way i was treated. i just cant help but ask, what am i doing here?
because it feels so superficial. and i'm so disturbed at how somethings are going on. feeling so out of place.
but what does it matter? nobody bothers.

i get this restlessness in me.
this thought of just giving up and lie down not doing anything.

how i wish.
2 years, i told you. i want to give my heart to you during this 2 years.

O'King, pls be my rock. be my provider O'Lord. for your love alone is sufficient.
be my provider O'Lord, as i lay my faith on you.

Me being - delighted through troubled times

2008-03-05T06:39:00.000-08:00

Recently, i feel that God has thrown me into a dumpster. haha.
not trying to say that He does not care or that He looks at me as though i'm like s#it.

but it does feel that way. i aint complaining though
just that sometimes i feel alittle overwhelmed by the things going on.

have not been able to rest after the camp. the weekends seemed so short and the week has started again.
time really doesnt wait for anyone huh.

a roll of an eye and i'm nearly one year with AMKPC!!!
YEAY!!
okay i'll talk about it alittle later. now, about my week first.

this week has been in a rather fast tempo. had guard duty on monday. and through the week i have to start preparing for a course which is starting next week. gosh.
hadnt really slept well since monday. today's wednesday. i didnt read the Bible the last 2 days, so i owe myself extra chapters. hohoho.
man, i owe myself time for rest as well. then there's night training tomorrow night.
ahhh!!

and not forgetting MAS SELAMAT!!! this guy's a whole load of trouble. really pray that he'll be caught soon. causing such a national uproar due to his absense.
plus. rumours are that civil defense are going to increase the number of people doing guard duty, and it spells trouble. cos it means more guard duty.
feeling kinda stressed out even as i'm typing this.
BUT... He is there and will always be here for me.
:D
thats heartwarming enough.

looking forward to this friday.
finally having CG again!! yeay.
its been so so so long. and it really feels like something's missing for so so so long.
really pray that this friday during cg, we'll be deeply enriched by word. to refill me spiritually!!

and also. come next 1st April will be my first year in AMKPC!!
it has been a very eventful year. alot of emotional ups and downs.
alot of growing physically and more importantly spiritually.
i really thank God and pray that He'll continue guiding me with my journey with Him.
How wonderful. How marvelous.

well. with my first year of christianhood coming to an end, i'm looking forward to this coming eventful year with God.

Me being - blessed (and relieved)

2008-02-28T23:44:00.000-08:00

hey yall.

i'm back from camp. and to be honest, it wasnt as bad as i perceived it to be.
and i want to thank God for being there for me.
but i dont think i wanna do it so regularly. the camp that is.

i'm quite burnt up. haha. i feel like i'm still wearing a skintight t-shirt everytime after i take off my clothes.
its kinda hilarious.
but sitting down on this chair and typing on the keyboard and looking at the screen,

i feel at home. a feeling that i miss alot. i dont know how to explain this but, it just feels so peaceful. so wonderful.

it feels like i'm experiencing a very quiet and connected time with God. even as i type. i do not know how to explain this. but this is how it feels.

indeed God is brilliant. He walked me through this week so closely. its as though He's holding on to my hand as we cross a junction full of vehicles moving to and fro. the mighty hand of God, used to hold on to my tiny hand. how amazing is that.

sometimes when i think back, i feel so ashamed of myself. God has made my life so good and yet at times i still choose to complain. as though i'll never be satisfied.
and He will still be there to forgive me. He will still be there being patient with me and entertain me.
This is how marvelous our Lord God Jesus is.
The man who died on the cross, and came back to life on the 3rd day. He who was prosecuted by us is here ready to rescue us.

How wonderful is that.

Me being - dreadful of this coming week.

2008-02-24T06:58:00.001-08:00

even as this week is only beginning, i'm looking forward to friday already.
thats because this is going to be a very hectic week. and with so many stuff going on. sometimes i'll just stand down there and stone. letting my pentium 2, 200mgh brain process everything.

haha.
sometimes i just want to make sure everything's alright that i end up screwing them up.
how ironic right?

i missed church today, and it was not really good feeling.
as a matter of fact, i dislike this feeling alot alot alot!!!!
argh.

i'm not going to do it again, unless i have duty that is.
i wouldnt wanna miss church for anything. lol.
especially during this phase of my life, while i'm so busy with serving the nation. i just dont have the kind of time i use to have where i can visit the church anytime, any day.

those were the days.

anyways people, i really need your prayers for this week.
as my role of an instructor is going to begin in 3 weeks. (i'm starting my first actual course)
i really pray that things will go smoothly as i prepare all the admin stuff for the course.
i'm a instructor's instructor btw. that is, i'm kinda in-charge of this course for civil defense where i'll take officers and NsF who'll go through this course to equip them with skills to be an instructor. the course is called IPC (instructor prep course) :D.

that'll be for monday and tuesday. then i have guard duty on tuesday night!! gosh.
thats not all.

on wednesday, i've to leave straight from my guard area and rush off to changi village as there's a camp going on from wednesday to friday (3D2N).
how silly of me to have accept this task. imagine me taking off and leave to work elsewhere.
(btw, to me, its not really honoring God if u're serving the nation and working part time, cos God did ask us to obey the higher authority. and this camp thing was due to some complicated issues)

anyways, thats not more.
i'm in-charge of the logistics.
which means that whether or not the camp moves smoothly, its all resting on my shoulders.

and i'm so worried that i might screw things up here and there.

man.... i really dread this week.
already looking forward to friday lor.
people, pls keep me in prayers.
especially for prayers for me to have some time to do qt with God.
thanks in advance.
BLESSED WEEK!!

Me being - faithless

2008-02-20T02:38:00.000-08:00

How would you feel when someone doesnt have faith in u?
what if that someone is someone close to u?

i think i'm starting to know how it feels.
with whats been happening around me recently.
its all sorts of mixed 'blue' emotions.

the disappointment, the anguish, the helplessness.
all packed into one and trapped inside of u.

and if u feel that way, what about God?
especially for believers.

you pray, and you tell God, "God, you're my Lord, you're my king, my saviour, God you are a Father to me."

and you remain faithless.
if you're wondering how it feels,
its all the 'blue' feelings all packed into one. multiply it by hundreds or thousand times. maybe even more.

and that is how He feels.

so Brothers and Sisters in Christ, it is really my prayer that u remain faithful to God. to tell Him,"Father, i'm faithful. and no matter what comes, i know they are all from Your hands. and i thank you."

Me being - rebuking and rebuked

2008-02-19T03:55:00.000-08:00

HOW FAITHLESS YOU ARE!!

this is the line i'm always tempted to say to those who are faithless and pesimistic.
if you know God, and if you truely believe in Him, why are you still feeling this way?

why do you look down on God's power?
who do you think God is?
do you really think that He doesnt care at all?

God's power is so strong, so mighty. yet when it comes to those little little details, He's still able to be so precise and can define the smallest of things.
His power's perfect. PERFECT i tell you.

yet at the same time, it is something that i struggle with.
haha.
its so ironic but true.
especially this week, things just didnt feel right and i feel like i'm starting to lose faith and doubt Him again.
i know all the things i've said up there. all so clearly. yet sometimes emotions just covers them up altogether.

i'm still feeling kinda blue. and its so random.
because nothing really big happened that caused me to feel like this.

i'm still meditating on in.
still spending time with God.
trying to unwrap this unhappy emotion around my spiritual being.
to tear it away from the Holy Spirit.

i know that He is there.
i know that He knows how i feel.
but why i'm feeling like this, i know that He is letting me go throught it for a reason.
a reason that i've yet to know.

so, you faithless people. isnt it time to strengthen ur faith?

Me being - Money-minded

2008-02-06T05:48:00.000-08:00

Money, how much do they mean to u?

do u really need money?
or do u just love money?
would u do anything for it?

i believe that its something that all of us struggle with.
i know i use to.
maybe now at times i still want more.

more than what God has provided.

and so what if i got it?
in the end, i feel like sin is consuming me spiritually. slowly but surely.
and ultimately, so what if u've got money?
i dont know about u, but i know that i feel hollow inside.

people, let me ask u, what do u need most in life?

money?
have u ever thought about ur after life?
does this amount of money follow u when u leave earth? when u leave this body of urs?

have u ever thought about it, what if u strike 4D today or toto, then u die tomorrow?
ironic isnt it?
but it happens.

then maybe some of u will want to ask me,
so, what is it in life that we should regard as most important?

i'd say to worship and honor our Lord God Jesus Christ.
maybe u'd say that i'm biased, why not alah or the buddah or something?
why do i say that Jesus Christ is the one true God?

then i do have got some questions for u people,
1. which other god died for us?
2. which other god is willing to come down to our level to share a meal with us?
3. if u say that Jesus is just a prophet, have u ever read the new testimont in the bible clearly?

if He was just a prophet and nothing else, then why is it u still choose to follow the old testimont for some of u other religion?

and when u say u worship God, when u say that u love God,
why do u still choose to worship something earthly, like say,
money?

think about it.

Me being - human

2008-01-14T05:14:00.000-08:00

it can't get anymore obvious than that.

today i want to tap on the topic on worldly things.
what does worldly mean, u ask me?

i'd say anything that belong in this world that wont follow you when u die.
thats worldly.

and being human, its very hard to not be attached to things belonging to this world.
your car.
your pet.
your spouse.
your favourite soft toy.

whatever.

and thats because u see them everyday, u can touch them everyday.
and thats how u start getting very attached to them.

and He who created us knows that it will definitely happen.
but why is it He left it here for us to continue being attached to them?
why didnt He just destroy anything that He knew that would hinder our relationships with Him?

No, its not because He did not care.
as a matter of fact, i know that He cares so much for us that He chose not to destroy them.
YES! Because He who created us loves us.

but what are we doing in return?
does He not deserve all our praise and worship?
is that too much for Him to ask for?

treat Him like a spouse, a girl/boyfriend maybe.
and think of how deeply in love you with them.
how much feelings u can readily pour out for them.

this is how He feels, if u multiply it by hundreds or thousands.
i do not really know how much this blog can impact into ur lives, those who are reading.

but it is my prayer that you will be able to come and see His face and acknowledge Him one day.
sometimes i just wish to shout in ur face to stop being so stubborn.
but instead, i'd just want u guys to know something very special that my friend shared with me once:
'whether you believe in Him or not, dont worry, just speak to Him. share with Him your wants and needs. pour out your troubles to Him.
He will definitely listen. He will listen to you whether you believe in Him or not.
No strings attached.'

yes. amazing isnt it. how much love can one give to sinners.

Me being - an E-Lite

2008-01-07T05:27:00.000-08:00

i feel really blessed to be an E-Lite,
to be in such a warm family who suppers and have cell groups for 2 days most of a time.
its real fun.

in this family, we have wonderful characters who contrast one and other in a beautiful way.
it just feels so perfect.

indeed this is God's grace and may we be a great testimony to others.

and eventhough each of us have our own dreams and goals, we have one big objective in mind and that is to honor God with who we are.

its really nice to know that there'll be people who're willing to be there for u if u ever need help.

and i really thank you guys.
and am looking to grow with you guys physically and spiritually this new year!

Me being - maybe (enrique iglesias)

2007-12-17T02:38:00.000-08:00

If I had one single wish,
I'd go back to the moment I kissed,
you goodbye. No matter how hard I tried,
I can't live without you in my life.

I walk around trying to understand,
where we went wrong and I can't pretend,
it wasn't me, it wasn't you.
But I'm convinced we gave up too soon.

Nothing left to lose after losing you.
There's nothing I can take.

When I run to you, when I come for you,
please don't tell me I'm too late.

Maybe you'll say you still want me.
Maybe you'll say that you don't.
Maybe we said it was over.
But I can't let you go.

No, i can't let u go.

Me being - a lonely september (Plain white T's)

2007-12-15T08:47:00.000-08:00

I'm sittin' here all by myself
just tryin' to think of something to do
Tryin' to think of something, anything
just to keep me from thinking of you
But you know it's not working out'
cause you're all that's on my mind
One thought of you is all it takes
to leave the rest of the world behind

I'm sittin' here tryin' to convince myself
that you're not the one for me
But the more I think, the less I believe it
and the more I want you here with me
You know the holidays are coming up
I don't want to spend them alone
Memories of Christmas time with you
will just kill me if I'm on my own

I know it's not the smartest thing to do
we just can't seem to get it right
But what I wouldn't give to have one more chance tonight

I'm sittin' here tryin' to entertain myself with this old guitar
But with all my inspiration gone it's not getting me very far
I look around my room and everything I see reminds me of you
Oh please, won't you take my hand
we've got nothing left to prove

Well I didn't mean for this to go as far as it did
I didn't mean to get so close and share what we did
I didn't mean to fall in love, but I did
Andyou didn't mean to love me back, but I know you did
And I didn't mean to meet you then
we were just kids
I didn't mean to give you chills
the way that I kiss
I didn't mean to fall in love, but I did
you didn't mean to love me back but I know you did
Don't say you didn't love me back 'cause you know you did
No, you didn't mean to love me back
But you did

Me being - in the mood for christmas.

2007-12-11T04:33:00.000-08:00

Christmas is coming,
have u been a good kid this year?

HoHoHo.

Me being - reminiscencing (if thats how u spell it.)

2007-12-10T02:28:00.000-08:00

Time, what a strange thing it is.
looking back, so many things has happened.

we've known each other for what? 16 years now?
surely it counts for something right? i'd ask myself.

and indeed it counts for something. a friendship that's building in progress.
and if someone were to come by and snag u up. i'd pray that i'll have the strength to give u my blessings and look at your shadow slowly fade off as i see u walk away.
anyways, it'd be the first Christmas we'll be exchanging gifts wont we?

MERRY CHRISTMAS
i'll be looking forward to it. :)

looking back in the past.
i used to be such a tubby kid.
i use to think that i was an ugly baby.
dark as charcoal.

but i'd like to thank God for what i've become now.
and how He's done little little things in my life to pull me through downs in my life and knocking me down when i'm way up over my head.

its been 2 months in NS now.
how wonderfully He's crafted my life out of it.
a vocation where the regimentations are not that strict.
i thank you.
with all my heart.

Me being - me. :D

2007-12-09T04:21:00.000-08:00

sometimes when i think about it, its better staying in camp then to be booking out day in day out.

at least like this i'll get the diciplined habit of doing my own dirty work and sleeping early and stuff.

well, in a way its better also. like this i can wake up at 7 instead of 6 in the morning and i can have the full 8 hours or more sleep that i desire.
my body really needs recovering. i've been feeling rather sick in recent times. been feeling very very lethargic.

sometimes when i think about it, maybe my condition has been activated and maybe i'm going to die soon.
maybe the problem has spreaded internally and started attacking my organs or something
haha.
i dont know.

but if i really were to leave this world, it would be wonderful wouldnt it?
being at a place where God is.
where u are protected from sin. from those horrible things u can find in this world.
well. anyways i'd just see what God has install for me.

i'm still me. :D

Me being - a clerk celebrating christmas

2007-12-02T02:55:00.000-08:00

First and foremost, its not a gay job.

Secondly, Clerks are more important than u can ever imagine.
they have the power to determine a NSF's fate.

think of them as people who confirms ur attendance. people who confirms ur leave and stuff.

so never never mess with a clerk i tell u. haha

anyways its gonna be fast before i start working already. left with a couple of days of training then i'm by my own already. no more instructors to cover my backside if i do something wrong.

Christmas is coming, my allowance is coming in. Anyways Christmas is not about presents and partying. or even about santa claus.
Christmas is about our Lord God Jesus Christ who was born on that day to lead a sinless life and rescue us from the devil the day He was crucified. and i really thank God for guiding me to where i am today.

i believe that its only the best that He'll give me.
for what more can anyone give then His own blood and life for people who were the ones who crucified Him?

imagine all of us as slaves. slaves who are headed for doom.
alright, got that in ur head? visualise it clearly first.

Now, Lord Jesus is like a business man who pass by the slave store and when He saw us, He bought all of us. People who He didnt know, He saved.

and He did not use coins to buy us over. but it was His blood that He used to buy us.
yet at the mean time, we were given a choice whether to follow or not.
and to follow Him meant freedom.

to follow Him is just to believe in Him and put faith in Him to guide you.
Love Him back the way He loved all of us.
have this personal relationship with Him. as though He was your brother, as though He was your lover.
its this kind of love multiplied by million folds.

so people, what are u guys still hesitating about?

He who paid for your freedom is giving you a choice to follow Him or stay at where you are.
what is your say?

Me being - Given the second chance

2007-11-27T03:56:00.000-08:00

its not just an ordinary chance. its not an ordinary mistake also.

its when we sin and were forgiven by the Almighty.
and recently i'm starting to see how it feels to give people second chances as well.

on one side, most people judge others by their looks, i would say that its very natural to be like that.

and i admit to being one of them people who judge people on their looks, 'first impression'.
and sometimes that person ends up being the most laughed at person in that group.

but recently i've tried to give that person a fighting chance.
i talked to them and learned more about them.
and realised that they are not that bad after all.

God did say to love your neighbour like how you love yourself and i found out why.
its really pointless hating someone else. because hatred grows and thats what the evil one wants.

look at the world around you, is it easier to do wrong things than those that are right?
what is your wrong/right ratio?
you ever measured it? you ever thought about it?

if your answer's no i believe that its time to start reflecting on it.
i'm saying all this not because i'm perfect. because if you must know, i sin more than i follow as well.
God's there to forgive me, but will i take advantage of it? thats the question i ask myself everytime i'm struggling with sin.
therefore we all should look towards repentence.

If God loves you, why do you not want to love Him back.

Me being - Christian guy, holding on.

2007-11-18T01:34:00.000-08:00

Its hard. very hard. with an environment like mine. everyone's cursing and swearing, its like a trend.

i dont go all the way to the cbs or the f's but still its not good.
what's inside is more deadly than the outside.

having bad language will just show how a rotten christian i am.
having bad thoughts is as bad as committing the thought itself.

last week till PoP. four more days.
holding on still.
i've been lazy, have not been journelling, not been doing quiet time.
really want to start again.
want to be good in His eyes.
want to be a good testimonial for Him.

so God i pray that there'll be someway for You to help me, rescue me from all this.
i really wanna be good in Your eyes, really want to quit these bad habits.

anyways it has been a enjoyable 6 weeks or BRT. i know that God's been there looking over me all this while and i thank Him.
to just know that He's there makes my heart happy.

just wanna focus on Him this 2 years.

Me being - in my last day of boyhood.

2007-10-07T22:11:00.000-07:00

well. today didnt start off very well.
as a matter of fact i didnt had a very great sunday as well.

thats not the point.
no point dwelling in troubles and problems one would say.

anyways. what i did was just some packing up of things and some last minute prep.
packing and stuff.

i didnt write in my journel yesterday. i was so confused and angry with God.
i never understood Him sometimes when He do what He do.
yet i'd be lying if i said that i hate Him.
in fact i love Him. and i'm starting to understand how He feels when we betray Him and do as we please with sins and everything.
because what i've been through i know how it feels to love and not be loved back.
which is how God feels.
just multiply it by gazillions and u can see how much pain He is suffering.
yesterday i tripped.
but i pray that as i go through my day today, God will forgive me and that He'll make things easy for my heart to take.
I dont really wanna go in feeling depressed and stuff.
haha. picture this: a bald, mucho dark emotional guy.
yuck.

anyways, for those who are reading this entry, i thank you for taking ur time.
i pray that you people will stop hurting God.
adious

Me being - the eldest in the family

2007-10-01T07:43:00.000-07:00

yup. i have 2 younger brothers but actually thats not what i wanna talk about.
i'm going to NS in one week and one day's time.

i'm not hyped up for it. neither am i feeling scared about it.
i'm just. Ok lor.

haha.
guess it'll be like going for a camp with hundreds of other guys.
all without hair.
and the good thing is i'm going to be paid a couple hundred dollars a month.
the most since i worked full time at a restaurant once where i earned 800 bucks plus 200 CPF. haha.

so yea. guys if you wanna see me at my best looking state, u better ask me out this week. haha.
call me.

Me being - caught between the Montagues and Capulets

2007-09-19T06:54:00.000-07:00

The Montagues and Capulets.

The story of Romeo and Juliet. A story where 2 crazily in love people have to go seperate ways because of family problems which was long forgotten.

honestly, i find the story bullshit.

i just hate it. why must the children suffer because of stupid family fueds?

why must it end up being the two madly in love people dying because they cant be together due to family objection?

i dont understand it. and i hate it.

stupid how things go doesnt it?

think about it.

its so crazy. try relating it to ur life people.

if your parents, or ur other half's parents were like the Montagues or Capulets what will you do?

haha. what if the Montagues and Capulets are friends? but the Caps dont want their kid to marry to the Monts? and threatens to severe family ties?
what if you're the Montague kid? what would you do?
what if you were the Capulet kid? what would you do?

sometimes it just makes me sick that parents think of their pride more than their kid.
sometimes because they do not like the other party's family.
isnt it like this in Romeo and Juliet?

but people, what would you do? if you were either Romeo or Juliet?
would you have died for the other party?

kinda stupid right?
this kind of love.
i love you so much that i will die for you.
have you ever wondered if its worth it?
whole load of bullshit.

Me being - guy who do not know himself.

2007-09-17T09:07:00.000-07:00

well, it has been a very rough patch for me.
it has been going on for the longest time. i've just been very messed up as a person.
very messed up emotionally also.

and the past few days hasnt helped at all. had a bit of a cold war and misunderstanding between me and my mum.
but things been settled now.
sometimes i just dont understand myself anymore.
maybe we weren't made to do that?

basically i feel that a person is created to honor their parents, their creator.
isnt that true?
i mean, without them where do we get our life?
right?

yea, well for the time being its just finding me myself again.
haha, when i read back on what i've blogged, it seems so emo so depressing.
well. time to add in the sunshine. :)

let go and let God.
this is what i've learnt.

Me being - a man full of weaknesses.

2007-09-08T07:18:00.000-07:00

guess i've never been a talker.
just thinking and making up things up in my head.

i dont know why, but i find it rather hard to express myself. and i end up expressing them through letters and smses.

i find myself pathetic.
and full of irony.

and at most parts, ending up hurting those that i cared for.

i feel so horrible. when things seem to be turning for the better, i'd just say and do the wrong things and everything just turned for the worst.

the worse part was how could i hurt her when she's already have enough problem?
in the end, i'm a hindrance.
and looking back, it has always been this way.

dennis = a hindrance.

i'm so sorry. yet no matter how much i apologise, it'll never help.
i wanted to be friends with common topics again. yet, after what i've done, it seemed like it wont happen awhile again.

hey there,
i know that u seldom read my blog. in fact u've only read it once.
but i just want u to know how sorry i am. the things u said did not register inside which was why i did what i did. now everythings clear.
and i just wanna tell u i am sorry.

i dont know if it will ever happen again. but if it does. i dont want it to happen to u again.
i feel that i am dangerous emotionally.
which was why i wanted to run away.
i really dont wanna hurt u again.
sorry.

den

Me being - you tell me.

2007-09-05T00:02:00.000-07:00

thing is i see myself going on day in day out with a pattern.
and its starting to get so dumb and boring.

i dont get it. dont think i ever will.
i have so much time here, but there isnt anyone i could spend it with.

why's it always has to be about money?
so loserish. is money the greatest thing to you?
any of you?

and so what if i feel like crap?
does it matter? will it help if i cried out loud?
i dont think so.
thus, i'll just wear a smile.
and perhaps it will stay that way if i wear it long enough.

sometimes i blame Him. sometimes i question Him. sometimes i resent Him.
but who am i to do that?
dumb Adam and Eve. stupid people who did stupid things.

and now all of us are mere sinners.
so stupid of human beings for loving money.
stupid adults.
maybe money is important. yes?
but hey, look at who's the provider first yea?

will i ever have a future?
haha. it was such a blow i'd say.
what happened?
why did it happen?

oh crap. whatever.
why am i even typing all this down.

from now on, i'd just wear that smile.
so random. haha.
whatever...

Me being - exhausted.

2007-09-01T08:22:00.000-07:00

i dunno why.
recently i've been feeling very exhausted. towards the end of the day i'll start feeling light headed.
not sure if its the lack of sleep. or whatever.
i guess its starting to take a toll whatever i'm not doing correctly.

just see how its goes la.
anyways my life, i see it going back in pieces again.
just pray that it doesnt fall apart.

and i thank God for helping me, protecting me and covering me when i called for Him.
yea.
hopefully no more crazy roller-coasting emotional blogs for sometime.
so tired of it.
:)

Me being - on a rollercoaster ride.

2007-08-30T06:56:00.001-07:00

I dont know. sometimes i say that i am alright, the next moment i'm down in the dumps again.
its like an emotional roller-coaster ride.

never thought that i'd be in such a mess.
never thought that i'd become like this.
thought that what i've been through will help enable me to be stronger when the same situation comes again.
then why is it i'm falling down again?
why is it my heart feel so tired?

feel like taking the easy way out of it.
sometimes just wish that i can sleep and dont have to wake up again.

dealing with it.
aint know how to at times.
but. yea.

Me being - readjusting

2007-08-29T09:27:00.000-07:00

yea. its been depressing and all.
sometimes i dont see the light at all.

then she told me how she did it. take it step by step. and see what He will open up for us.
i am sorry to have hurt u again. sorry to have brought u back to where i am standing.

i'm learning now, finally i guess. to look at things from ur perspective. ur point of view.
guess i never really put my faith in Him. never really trusted Him wholeheartedly.
never Loved Him above all.

i'm learning now, please dont leave me alone anymore alright.
haha.
what a thing to say.

never thought that a big guy would break down to tears.
to a point to thoughts of suicidal.
well. re-adjusting.

work in progress.
:)

Me being - tired

2007-08-28T02:15:00.000-07:00

I would say that i'm finally feeling so tired.
so tired of whats going on. so tired of myself. so tired of life basically.

i dont know who i am anymore. i dont know what's my objective anymore.
i feel so tired of the mess that i'm in right now.

i hate myself so much sometimes. for being so stupid. for holding on to things so tightly.
and i'm just so tired of how things have been going on in my life beause it has always been a case of letting go.

and i'm unable to let go. not that i dont want to. but i dont know how to.
i feel so stupid typing all this.

i just feel so alone. feel so meaningless. so purposeless.
i dont know anything anymore.

i'm giving myself a few more days to think about it.
but i wont be irresponsible if things were to really happen.

so tired of feeling like this.
feeling so broken.
i dont know who that guy in the mirror is anymore.

Me being - footy coach

2007-08-18T08:18:00.000-07:00

Well. title says it.
a step towards what i plan to do in future and that is to be the man who'll be building the foundation of young players in terms of soccer.

imagine producing fantastic players who can one day play for the national team?
its a dream though.

it has been a week now. 2 sessions with the boys.
not really impressed with their attendance. but i'll be reinforcing that rule to them the next session.

well. it has been fun. looking at training from a different view. usually i'll be the one running around like a dog, but for this case its different.

i would pray for the boys. and hope that i can be an icon for them to love the game more.
and that they can take the game seriously.

yea, and people who's reading this.
if u have any ideas on how to motivate the kids and yada yada, just fill in ur comments in the comment box yea.

professional footy coach in the making...

Me being - puzzled.

2007-08-12T06:19:00.001-07:00

Is it still there?
Is it gone?

Do i dare to even find out?
it has been so long hasnt it?

maybe u are with someone now.
maybe u're not?

Do i dare know?
Do i dare ask?

Why does it still hurt?
Why do i still cry whenever i think about it?

I'll never know.
Perhaps because it was THAT special to me.

It was, it still is and it always will be.

how many nights i've spent just thinking about us
how many nights have i spent crying myself to sleep?

Oh. i'll never know.
It has been so long hasnt it?

Every night i spend alittle time with God.
Still holding on to the relationship.
Still praying for it.

Do i still miss you?
Do i still wish for things to be the way they were before?

Yes i do.

Shouldnt we have sat down together to pray for it instead of letting it go?
Shouldnt we have done something about it rather than moving on?

Tell me love, tell me.

sometimes i just wish to hold on to you.
just look at you and plant a kiss so deep it'll be unforgettable.

i miss u.

Me being - lost

2007-07-24T08:55:00.000-07:00

Is love about money?
What's love to you people?

Love, is a beginning. knowing that you are not alone every morning when you wake up.
someone or something you look forward to.

Love, is a present. knowing all the sweetness that you get to hold on to.

Love, is a future. knowing that there's someone who will be there to grow old with you. to be there to share past memories.

Love, is loving you. it has not been easy all this time. but i'd still want to hold on.
I still love you. I still miss you badly at times.
what if tomorrow never comes?
will you know how much i love you?
will you know how much i want to hold you in my arms?

i'm starting to lose the feeling of hugging you.
starting to miss how it feels like to be kissed by you.
i just can't imagine myself holding someone else.
dont want to be kissing someone else.

missing those days when we made breakfast for each other.

kicking myself so bad to be looked down on. for not being able to give you a future.
i'm working at it though.
just wished that you were here by my side while i'm at it. dont really want to face it alone.

if i asked you, would you hold me in your arms?
cos i'm scared. i'm really scared of facing the world without you here by my side.
you just feel so distant from me. so far that i cant even catch a glimpse of your shadow.

i still dream of walking with you hand in hand along the beach.
with the cool sea breeze blowing against our faces.
throwing pebbles into the sea just to see the ripples dance in the water.
burying each other under the sand for fun.

i may not be the smartest, the most talented or the most good looking.
but will u still choose me instead?
or am i holding on to something that's already gone?

Me being - by myself

2007-07-15T18:31:00.000-07:00

Another day without your smile, another day just passes by
But now I know how much it means for you to stay right here with me.

The time we spent apart will make our love grow stronger but it hurt so bad I cant take it any longer

A thousand miles between us now it causes me to wonder how our love tonight remains so strong
It makes our risk right all along

Things can come and go I know but baby I believe
Somethings burning strong between us makes it clear to me.

I wanna grow old with you I wanna die lying in your arms I wanna grow old with you, I wanna be looking in your eyes I wanna be there for you sharing everything you do.
I wanna grow old with you.

Me being - a thinker.

2007-07-09T09:08:00.001-07:00

well. guess its just the way i am.
something that God wanted me to be. and i am thankful for that.

generally, we thinkers are quiet people. and we choose to look at things from different perspective. but dont misunderstand that statement. because at times its just hard to accept something from a different perspective when u're fixed to a mindset.

for one, we're deep. haha. i get that sometimes, though i'm still figuring out what it exactly means. is it deep cos we sit there and stay silent and look like we're thinking of something? or is it cos we just give that 'deep' impression to other people?

we aint loners i would say. but we're selective people. we choose the people we connect to.
guess its just the way to find true pals.
yup.

Me being - Confused.

2007-07-05T08:14:00.001-07:00

Tell me about it. what is it you really want?
what are you exactly looking to get out of me?
am i always like this to you? never able to match up to your standards?
have i been a bump in your eyes?

why are things like this all the time?
I really do not understand you or your expectations? can you please tell me about it?
have i never been good enough?
have i always been good for nothing?
why are you always so frustrated when you look at me?
what have i done to deserve this?
tell me. tell me now!

all i did was to set my priorities. and you're not ranked number 1. because i've learnt that no 'person' will be number 1 to me.

so i'm sorry.
and i'm sad to say you'll not be number 1.
never will be.

i am thankful for what you've done and all that you've done.
but i'm sorry.
its the one thing i can't agree to you.

Me being - here, you being never gone.

2007-07-01T09:10:00.000-07:00

I really miss you
There's something that I've gotta say

The things we did, the things we said, to come back to me and make me smile again
Show me how, to face the truth.

Everything that's good in me I owe to you,

Though the distance that's between us now may seem to be too far
It will never separate us deep inside as I know that you are never gone, never far
In my heart is where you are always close everyday every step along the way

I walk along these empty streets, there is not a second you're not here with me the love you gave, the grace you've shown
Will always give me strength and be my corner stone

So how you found a way to see the best I haven't been

Eventhough for now we've got to say goodbye I know you will be forever in my life
Never gone from me, if there's one thing I believe in it will be to see you somewhere down the road again
Because in my heart is where you are always close everyday, every step along the way
And though for now we've got to say goodbye, I know you will be forever in my life
Never gone, never far
In my heart is where you will always be.

Me being - the last person to leave Kallang Stadium.

2007-07-01T06:13:00.000-07:00

Well, its not exactly like that.
haha.

i was there for the Aussie match against Singapore. Well, Singapore lost but its the atmosphere that was most important for fans who watch soccer matches at the stadium. its the time to let loss. you can ask my friend mr afro. haha.

a guy who's usually quiet and deep in thoughts. well, he sure did let everything out. PASSION u know, PASSION!!!

Singapore didnt do that badly for the match, it was more of luck i guess. they had quite a number of chances but the ball did not hit the back of the net. tough luck.

after the match they had an official closing of the stadium kinda celebration. they had a recap of the historical sporting moments that happened at the stadium. kinda nostalgic.

then they had fireworks!!
kinda disappointing though, it was a short one. but at least it happened.

well, when the new stadium's up, it will be a new era of sports for Singapore!
Will be looking forward to it.

PEACE!!

Me being - the scientist

2007-06-25T10:16:00.000-07:00

Come up to meet you, tell you I'm sorry, you don't know how lovely you are.

I had to find you, tell you I need you, tell you I set you apart.

Tell me your secrets, ask me your questions, let's go back to the start.

Runnin' in circles, comin' up tails, heads on the science apart.

Oh take me back to the start. I was just guessin', at numbers and figures, pullin' the puzzles apart.

Questions of science, science and progress, Do not speak as loud as my heart. Tell me you love me, come back and haunt me, oh on I rush to the start.

Runnin' in circles, chasin' our tails, comin' back as we are.

Nobody said it was easy, it's such a shame for us to part.
Nobody said it was easy, no one ever said it would be so hard.
I'm goin' back to the start.

Me being - balanced.

2007-06-04T22:46:00.000-07:00

Thats what life's about isnt it? striking a balance.

well. its definitely easier said than done though. and at times people will get so depressed over things because they've lost their focus.
but when u get that balance again, u'll start to be able to see the bigger picture again.

well. been there done that. haha.

everytime u fall, u have to get back on your feet. but its so hard isnt it.

i know. cos i've fallen down. and till now at times i still look back at things and somehow stumble again.

guess lifes like a walk that never stops.

and when u look back, u cant see whats ahead. there could be a branch or something in the way. which is how u fall down.

and no matter what u have to get back on your feet. the bruise might be there, the wound might be deep. but u still have to stand up on your feet. thats how life goes on.

because if you do not get back on your feet, and move along. if you choose to sit down there and sympathise with yourself. u'll start getting depressed. true?
haha.
when that happens, imaginations run wild and u'll start thinking of ending ur life.

thats how we get cases of teenagers committing suicides.

here are a few ways of how i look at life:
life -
all about striking a balance. with friends, relationships, work. everything!

life -
live it and get it done and over with. while u're at it, do make the fullest out of it.

if you have your point of view about life do comment in and i'll add on to the list. :) cheers

Me being - lonely.

2007-06-04T07:56:00.000-07:00

Were there times when you wake up, and just feel that there's nothing there to look forward to?
times when you wake up and feel that you have no aim, no where to go, nothing to do.

the feeling of helplessness.
the feeling of hopelessness.
the feeling of loneliness.

people will tell u. always look on the bright side of life.
look on the bright side.
never knew how to do that then.

now i know how to. because what i'm going through is just a phase.
what all of us are going through is just a phase.
a phase where u have to pass.

when u're on a all time high, be careful. because u'll fall.
when u're on a all time low, dont worry. hang on and u'll slowly climb back up again.

this is what we as human beings should learn,
that is to learn to let go whats most important to u and better things will come.

sometimes it will kill u inside. u'll just feel so hollow. feel so lost.
but hey, its not the end of the world, yet, you know.

Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. Matthew 6:34

Me being - discreet to my partner (for the best of things)

2007-05-30T11:21:00.000-07:00

It starts out simply enough: A man and woman get together, they share some wine, they go back to her place, their relationship grows, they laugh and they fight, and they become-tada!-a couple. And then something happens: They're supposed to share everything with each other. Their fears. Their dreams. Their thoughts. Their bills. Their medicine cabinets. And that's when this simple little romance starts to get complicated. in most relationships, there's such a thing as too much sharing-and I believe that a little discretion at the right time in the right situation is not only a good thing, but also could actually improve relationships. As long as you're not breaking the relationship rules-like playing tonsil hockey while the goalie isn't watching-then a little mystery can be a good thing. Here, five secrets you should keep to yourself-because not saying something will actually speak volumes.

You Don't Turn Me on Right Now
Granted, there will be days when your partner walks into the room and everything sparkles-moments like these make us count our blessings. But there are going to be other moments when your woman looks less like Cindy Crawford and more like Broderick Crawford, and when your guy is less Hugh Grant than Lou Grant. But when the occasional fashion faux pas or haircut from Edward Scissorshands comes around, swallow your tongue. If you want him or her to wear certain styles, compliment what you like, and ignore what you don't. Eventually, they'll get the message-but without the hurt feelings.

I Flirt With Others at Work
The stats don't lie: About 40 percent of men and 35 percent of women have lusted after a co-worker-without ever making a move. Even if you have no intention of taking it anywhere, nobody wants to think of their significant others spending 8, 10, 12 hours a day around flirtatious and attractive co-workers, especially when they look, smell and behave at their very best. Want to share sexual secrets? Confess your attraction to Hollywood celebs, not the co-workers in the adjacent cube.

I Can't Stand Your Friends
Your partner's circle of friends probably come in three different categories: a perfect package, nice enough, and how the hell can the two of you be friends? In that last category, there are all kinds of crazies-maybe she's too controlling, or maybe he's a bad influence. Whatever the case, know your audience. You may not like the friends, but your partner has more history with them than with you. So while they may not rank high on your personal list, keep it to yourself. Boxing out a man's friends is a relationship deal breaker, according to 83 percent of men we surveyed. And 62 percent of women would end a relationship if a guy doesn't get along with her friends.

I Still Think About My Ex
While it's natural to think about your ex, the Internet has increasingly made exes a bigger threat than ever before. The phenomenon of searching online for one's ex, which the majority of Americans admit to, can really make your partner jealous and fearful-especially since the phenomenon of people reuniting with very old flames has recently exploded (again, because of the Internet). You put your exes in the past; do the same with any conversation about them.

I Can't Live Without You
Why? Number one, it's not true; you can live without them. And number two, the key to a successful long-term relationship is to ensure that you've got your own life. You can say I love you, I enjoy you, I desire you, I appreciate you. You don't say I can't live without you. A partner should never feel trapped. He or she should be making a choice every day to be with you. And you, with them.

source: http://health.yahoo.com/experts/menlovesex/40807/5-secrets-you-should-keep-from-your-partner

writer David Zinczenko is the editor in chief of Men's health. He is also the editorial director of magazine 'Best Life'. Some of the books David written are 'Men, Love and Sex' and 'The Abs Diet'

Me being - honest to my partner

2007-05-30T11:16:00.000-07:00

During a relationship, two-thirds of both men and women consider friendship to be the most important attribute in relationships, not all couples talk to each other like friends. Often, in fact, we stay bottled up like a old wine when the best course of action would be to start pouring it all out. The following secrets are ones many of us tend to keep hidden, but really shouldn't.

I've Got Issues

True story. An editor at Men's Health went on a radio show talking about relationships, and a listener phoned in, confused as to why a recent relationship didn't work out. He confessed that he had been in prison for years-but he didn't tell her until they were already months deep into the relationship. An extreme example, of course, but the point is that most of us are hesitant to reveal our quirks (don't eat anything green), our pasts (It took me seven years to graduate), our opinions (The president is a ______), and our issues (I never want kids) that may scare off potential partners. I'm not suggesting putting out a weirdo alert, but somewhere early on-maybe date six or so-it's smart to reveal at least pieces of who you are. Otherwise, you're just wasting your time, because when the truth does come out, your partner will feel mad-and duped.

I'm Getting Pursued

It's not the easiest thing in the world to tell your partner that a co-worker, or friend, or random barista is making moves on you. After all, you don't want to appear like you're gloating, you don't want to instigate jealousy, and you don't want your partner to be alarmed. If the chase has elevated from innocent flirting to serious pursuit, your partner deserves to know that you're in someone's lusting cross-hairs. Plus, by telling your partner that something screwy is going on, you're actually assuring him or her that nothing is going on.

I Like That

With 53 percent of people rating their sex lives as a C or worse, there's room for some improvement. Chances are, the problem is that you're not vocal enough. It's not that you don't make enough noise in bed-but you're not vocal enough about what you like in bed. Most of us are more verbal about our sexual likes early in relationships, but once we reach the comfort zone of a relationship, we're a lot less likely to actually communicate with our partners about what we want. The best strategy: Talk about it on a long drive and not right there in the bed, so there's no pressure to immediately perform. If you let the thoughts and ideas simmer, you'll have a better chance of bringing your relationship to a boil.

I Need More

A big relationship killer: Complacency. We get into our routines-Tuesdays mean Idol, Thursdays mean Grey's, the weekend means it's time to catch up on bills, laundry, and garage-cleaning. The relationships that get as stagnant as pond water need someone to make waves, but we don't tell each other what we want. Half of men and women say that they don't always tell their partners what's bothering them. And the only way to instigate and inspire change is to stop stewing and start flapping.

source: http://health.yahoo.com/experts/menlovesex/41305/secrets-you-better-tell-your-partner

writer David Zinczenko is the editor in chief of Men's health. He is also the editorial director of magazine 'Best Life'. Some of the books David written are 'Men, Love and Sex' and 'The Abs Diet'

Me being - a thinker.

2007-05-28T08:48:00.001-07:00

first of all. it aint something to brag about.

haha. being a thinker. sometimes, somethings u think about affects your emotions and when it starts overwhelming you. its called brooding.

some of the definitions i got:
To have or formulate in the mind
To reason about or reflect on; ponder
To decide by reasoning, reflection, or pondering.

source: http://education.yahoo.com/reference/dictionary/entry/think

the jury's still out there if u ask," is thinking a good thing or a bad thing?"

well. guess its good to think. especially when u're young, cos you have to let the brain work in order not to become stupid. but by thinking too much, you do get side effects.
haha.

some of them will be:
. growing white hair faster than normal people (well, look at einstein)
. dropping hair
. getting outbreaks
. depression (that is if you brood)

and till this point, some of you will be wondering.

whats the point of this entire blog?

haha. go think about it.

Me being - back from Bintan

2007-05-19T09:14:00.000-07:00

Hey ya. Mr Think in the house!!

back from Bintan. went there for 3 days 2 nights. was a working trip but it was FUN!!

we stayed at a Bintan Lagoon Resort. the place was beautiful. least it took my mind off my probs alittle while i was there.

the first day get there to look around the area. they provided a buggy and we're able to drive around. well, it did improve my confidence after screwing up the previous driving lesson.
we had a bbq at night and yours truely was the one who started the fire.

the second day,
i was there to prepare breakfast for the team. haha. woke up the third earliest since the 2 teachers went for morning jogs. some sporting fanatics we have here.
the corporate got there around 10 plus and we had our activities. it was not that bad. they were a group of sporty people. some of them are worse than brats. haha. made jokes out of everything.

the fu and the qiang prepared soup and was bragging about it. saying how nice it is and WHATEVER...

we had dinner with the corporate people. they had a buffet dinner and after that had a chat with one of them.

then they went clubbing. we went there to have a look at the place and decided it was too noisy and left the place.
went back to the resort, prepared the stuff for next day's outting. there we saw Darryl's wife and kids.
slept around 1am Singapore time.

the last day,
had to wake up early, around 8am Singapore time.
made breakfast again.
then it began to pour and we had to make changes to our programs for the day.
after the whole thing we went back to the resort and cooked lunch.

booked out. then we went to the beach to chill.

took a 6.30 ferry back to Singapore.
went to Changi V to have dinner and took a long trip home.

problems just started overwhelming me again.
it kinda suck at that point of time.

well. least i'm back safely i guess. :)

wherever i go, whatever i do, u're always on my mind.

Me being - struck down by emotions

2007-05-10T10:16:00.000-07:00

just when u thought that everything was gonna be fine, just when u thought that things are going to go smoothly.

they turn out the other way round.

and u feel so helpless about it. there's nothing u seem to be able to do about it.
u wanted something so badly, yet at the same time, u've gotta compromise.

what is it u truely want?
are u willing to fight for it?

something i wanna ask. something i wanna know.

if u're confused over it. than it just shows that u do not really know what u're fighting for.
so, THINK!! and really ask urself, what is it you want.

if u're tired, u should stop thinking about it.
if u're sick, u should take a break from it.

how long do u want to keep this up?
how long can u keep this up?
what will this lead to?

all this little little factors will roll up together and attack u altogether. so u must really consider.

STOP BROODING OVER IT!!!
STOP GETTING UPSET OVER IT WITHOUT A REASON!!!
START GETTING BACK ON YOUR FEET...

cos dude. life still goes on.

Me being - mum's son

2007-04-30T07:32:00.000-07:00

okay, this entry is more into the special person in my life rather than talking about me (or my silly philosophies). dedicated to my mum... (but hope that she wont read this :P)

here goes...

when was the last time u had someone who's there to wake u up for classes?
the last time someone close cooked something for u?

or how about,

when u're trying to get some sleep but someone is sitting by your bed talking to you non-stop?? someone who never fails to try to make u go to bed early?

haha, for me that will be my mum. someone who i'll always love, someone dearest to my heart. (dad u as well)

she was there by my side when i had 13 stitches being sewn on my forehead after i headbutted the fish tank.
she was there when i took my first x-ray after i swollowed a fish bone. (which actually was never there)
she was there when i went to my primary school the first couple of days and was there to fetch me home.

well, to some of you, this may be some mushy stuff and if u do find it that way i would kindly ask u to stop reading if its not your "style".

anyways back to the point and that is, she was there in those terrifying moments in my life. (yes, especially the primary school part)

and mum, if u still remember my blog address and happen to read this, i wanna thank you for being there.

and i would love for u to be there to see me succeed in life.

i honestly do.
anyways this is just a mushy side of me la.

haha.

den out

anyways, this is suppose to be on Mother's day the 13th of May, the second sunday of May 2007. well i'm 2 sundays early but what the heck.
haha.
just typed it early.

Me being - disgusted by society

2007-04-30T07:14:00.000-07:00

well. today, i was waiting for my practical driving lesson to start and i was like 30mins early so i sat down somewhere near the mrt station and started playing with my psp.

before long, i realise there's this visibility challenged dude walking towards this atm machine. and he actually bumped into this lady. at first i thought that the guy wanted to molest the girl, but then i saw that he can't see. he was walking in circles and literally walking into the wall.

then, there was this 2 girls sitting near me who started to laugh at the dude. man, i cant tell you how disgusted i was with their attitude. they actually thought that it was funny.

i kept my psp and prepared to walk towards the guy to help guide him, but then he managed to find help before i got to him.

message to yall out there. imagine you were in the position of the dude. would u like people to laugh at you in a corner when you're in need of help??

i really regretted not being able to get to him in time to help him.

the other thing about society i really dislike is the way men has set upon themselves "the rat race". everywhere you go, its all about the S11.. put them together and you get $$.

it is something that we men would kill each other for. something that men would lie cheat and steal for.

and its rather disgusting to think about it.

Me being - blogging bout positive stuff.

2007-04-29T02:07:00.000-07:00

being the optimist. being someone who looks at the positive side of pictures.

its something that i really love to be.
blogs are for people to write down basically 'stuff'.

and at this very moment, to tell u ladies and gentlemen the truth, i'm not having the bestest time of my life. been struggling with issues. well, in fact who isnt?

therefore i guess, i shouldnt be blogging about problems cos if everyone is having their own probs and i shouldnt add on to the mass.

thats my belief.

well. what i'd like to say is that, never focus on your problems as you face them. because u're the one who'll end up be the casualty. instead, look at how to solve it. look at the other side of your problem. look at the ending and work towards it.

i'd hope that all of you will improve from here.
problems are tests. you can cry over them when they hurt, you can feel the lousiest.
but after that, stand up strong.

what doesnt kill you makes you stronger.

peace to all of you peps.

Me being - friends with turistas in KL

2007-04-25T09:00:00.000-07:00

well, tribute to my friends who are going overseas tomorrow.

they're going to KL to enjoy, wish i could join them but i have other committments back here at home.

i'll be praying for them when they go on their trip.
pray that they will be blessed with fun and excitement and most importantly a safe and peaceful journey.
enjoy yourselves before this phase of our life moves along.
before the government take away our freedom. and whatever shit. haha.

guys, hafiz, shahreen and haja.

all the best in your journey.
have all the fun you can have and also more importantly a safe one.

be more street-smart guys. haha.
and dont forget my souveniers.

anyways i'm thinking of maybe organizing a chalet or a stayout sometime before july. before NS.
do comment to give ideas.
take care guys!!

i wont miss you though.
haha.

Me being - THE MAN...

2007-04-19T22:49:00.000-07:00

Some relationships end with fighting. Some end with crying. Some end with sex. Some end with verbal insults (or dishes) being thrown at sound-barrier-breaking speeds. Whatever the case, break-ups can be uglier than some Dancing with the Stars performances. Let's face it: some relationships aren't meant to be, so a break-up averts a bigger disaster. So when the Love Boat hits the iceberg, who handles it better? My answer: Women. Several studies show that men experience more depression, distress, and anxiety after break-ups than women do. Men might like to come across as being tougher than overcooked steak after a breakup, but the truth is that they're actually more the consistency of jelly. Believe me-I see the letters of hundreds of men desperate for advice on how to win their ex back. Here's why some men come undone during a breakup:

Men Mask Their Pain
When a guy is dumped, his first reaction is: I'll show her. How he sometimes does it: With a couple pitchers and a night out with the guys. In fact, 26 percent of men say that the dumped party should get drunk with the guys after a break-up, according to a Men's Health online survey. But those beer swillers are actually in the minority: 36 percent say a guy should look at his new ex, smile, and thank her. The thing is, both of those reactions are exactly the same thing-masks for their true feelings. They can't deal with being hurt, or angry, or bummed. It's not until after they get past their initial reaction that men actually mourn the loss of the relationship. Women are more likely to cry soon after the breakup, and they're also more likely to use straight talk when ending a relationship, studies find. So women face their relationship blues head on, and get them out of their systems earlier. Many men tend to repress their reaction, so it lingers like basement mold.

Men Have Fewer Friends
One of the reasons why women can get over sour relationships faster than the guys they breaks up with is that women have an amazing network of people to latch on to. Research indicates that men depend on romantic relationships for emotional intimacy and social support, whereas women are more likely to turn to family and female friends to satisfy those needs. Mothers, sisters, friends, hairdressers, cabbies, whoever-the more times she tells the story about what a jerk he was, the better she's going to feel. A man, on the other hand, stays corked. Often he shrugs off a break-up with a shoulder shrug, shoots a Jager shot, and tries to convince himself that he's not upset. That is, until about six months later, at 1AM after the fourth pitcher, when he confesses to his buds that all he ever wanted is for Janelle to take him back.

Men Hate Starting Over
After the break-up, a man may feel an initial surge of excitement of future prospects-the women he's yet to meet. But after three, four, or two dozen dates, he realizes that it's going to take a long time to reach the level of comfort he had with his ex. Research conducted at Carnegie Mellon University suggests that women adjust better to the end of a relationship because they've already given consideration to the possibility of a break-up, whereas men are typically unprepared for it. While that sense of emotional security can't be the only reason to stay together, it also makes him realize that he was very lucky to have a woman like her. Meanwhile, she's already moved on. And perhaps the only time he lets his guard down enough to admit the emotional truth is when he's drunk dialing her. And that's too little, way too late.

Men Idealize the Dating Game
Many breakups are a knee-jerk reaction to what men perceive as stagnation: He's bored with the same restaurants, the same petty arguments, the repetitive sex. Once he's back on the prowl, he thinks, he'll be bedding 10s and living the high life. After the break-up, however, he quickly realizes that the singles scene isn't all champagne and half-naked strangers--it's work. Instead of the exciting bar scene, he finds that he misses the intimacy of his past relationship. Studies show that women consistently outscore men on measures of social, sexual, and intellectual intimacy--and women are often quicker than men to realize that intimacy provides the foundation of a lasting relationship, not the sexual thrills.

Have your own theories about who handles break-ups better, or a good story to share. Weigh in here.

Me being - Forgiven

2007-04-19T09:21:00.000-07:00

Let me share a little story to you people out there...

A man came out of his home to admire his new truck.
To his puzzlement, his three-year-old son was happily hammering dents into the shiny paint of the truck.
The man ran to his son, knocked him away, hammered the little boy's hands into pulp as punishment.
When the father calmed down, he rushed his son to the hospital. Although the doctor tried desperately to save the crushed bones, he finally had to amputate the fingers from both the boy's hands.
When the boy woke up from the surgery & saw his bandaged stubs, he innocently said, " Daddy, I'm sorry about your truck." Then he asked, "but when are my fingers going to grow back?"

Think about this story the next time someone steps on your feet or u wish to take revenge. Think first before u lose your patience with someone u love. Trucks can be repaired. Broken bones & hurt feelings often can't.
Too often we fail to recognise the difference between the person and the performance. We forget that forgiveness is greater than revenge.
People make mistakes. We are allowed to make mistakes. But the actions we take while in a rage will haunt us forever.
Pause and ponder. Think before you act. Be patient. FORGIVE AND FORGET. Love one and all.

"If you judge people, you have no time to love them." -- Mother Teresa

Me being - emo

2007-04-13T09:07:00.000-07:00

Here are some of the phrases i would like to remind myself sometimes when my problems pull me down.

"its not lettin e feelin go, its jus holdin on till e time is right. the longer i miss u, e sweeter it feels holdin u."

"lets not face the problem head on, it will not help you at all. instead, why dont you look at the solutions instead??"

i'll be updating it from time to time when i have the inspiration.
if you guys have any nice phrases do add to the comment box and i'll post it as soon as i see it.
peace :)

Me being - Troubled

2007-04-08T10:49:00.000-07:00

troubles troubles troubles.

who doesnt have them? mean, at one point or another they will be invade your peaceful lives and make u wanna tear your hair out.
or they may just make your hair turn all white.

well. but people, the main point is not to focus in your problems. but instead look at how you try to overcome them.

and yes, sometimes there are problems that there's no solution to, no answer that can solve.
this is when god comes in. for he is someone who i can find peace in, someone who is there willing to hold my hand and guide me through my problems.

but back to the topic.

everyone will definitely find an outlet. be it watching tv, crying, playing games etc.
but i feel that this are all temporary outlets. at the end of the day, u'll sleep. and when u wake up, the troubles will haunt you again.

therefore, i feel that people should face their problems. not to brood over it. but to face it. and face the fact that sometimes things are just the way they are and there's not a bloody thing you can do about it.

but this are all words. its all easier to say than to do.
which is why i'm struggling with the way i'm living now. but i am learning to accept things.

are you??

Me being - a supporter of a relegating team.

2007-04-04T09:04:00.000-07:00

When i ask, what is ur favourite English premier league team?

and there will definitely be people going with all the Manchester Uniteds, Chelseas, Arsenals and Liverpools. well not that i blame them. i mean, who wont like a winning team right?

well do u wanna know what's my favourite soccer team??

make a guess..

give up??

Its - West Ham United.

dont ask why though. haha. cos it will be like asking u why u love your parents or something like that. its just a inexpressable feeling. at least to me it is.

well, the hammers were on a 8 game losing streak or something like that, the worse was being up 2 - 0 then 3 - 2 and finally losing the game 4 - 3 to the spurs.

then they started winning. in the first win in months, they scrapped a 1 - 0 win. but then they won again. Hammers may still be in the relagation zone, but i believe they are able to scrap through and let the likes of Wigan and Sheffield United drop down to the lower league.

go go go Hammers GO!!! all the way!

yours truely,
Den

Me being - an umpire

2007-03-30T10:03:00.000-07:00

will anyone who's ever played ref before please stand up.

well, at least i know that there'll be one who'll stand up and thats me.

yea. i've been umpiring badminton games in recent months and trust me, if you do not focus u'll screw up pretty badly. and become one of the infamous kayu refs that the fans love.

there was once i was umpiring, that day was kinda bad, had a rough night the day before and i simply screwed up a match.

giving false scores and giving wrong calls. basically whatever a guy can do wrong, i did it. haha. not that i'm proud of it. just sharing.

well, i sure became a fan 'favourite'. haha. noticably one of the players condemned me. and everytime i umpired his game, he would be skeptical and would be checking the score with me everytime someone scored.

well yea. this really let me see how life will be like if i were to have referring as a career. imagine me screwing up a soccer or basketball match infront of millions of people. the next thing i know i'd be receiving death treats and calls for my head.

haha.

Me being - A brain expert.

2007-03-27T19:08:00.000-07:00

Feeling like the absent-minded professor lately?

Here are some memory-improving strategies to keep your brain sharp.

Ginkgo to Think

Ginkgo, is the oldest surviving species of tree, has been traced back 300 million years and is one of the most widely studied plants. The leaf of the ginkgo tree is shaped like a human brain, and some believe this is why, in Asia, it has always had a reputation of benefiting the mental processes.

A dwindling memory and decreased concentration is largely caused by decreased blood flow to the brain and loss of brain cells; ginkgo has been confirmed to boost circulation to the brain and other organs, improving memory and cognitive functions. Additionally, ginkgo is used far and wide as a longevity tonic in Asia and Europe.

The best-known and most commonly available form of ginkgo is as teas and herbal extracts, but ginkgo nut, used in the culinary traditions of Asian cultures, also has therapeutic properties and is also said to strengthen lung function.

Mental Gymnastics Keep Your Mind Nimble

It is normal to become more absent-minded as we age, and in fact, most people over the age of 40 experience some memory loss. The most likely causes of a forgetful memory include poor concentration due to brain-chemical imbalance, tiredness, depression, anxiety, and sleep disorders. If you find you are more forgetful than usual, try these steps and see if there isn't some improvement in your cognitive clarity:

1. Get an uninterrupted eight hours of sleep each night.

2. Do a half an hour of cardiovascular exercise every day, such as brisk walking, slow jogging, biking, or swimming. This will improve circulation and increase blood flow to the brain.

3. Turn yourself upside down for a couple of minutes daily.

4. Mental fitness activities are imperative to prevent age-related cognitive decline. Read and learn new things, find new hobbies, do crossword puzzles, add up your bill in your head while shopping, memorize a set of phone numbers forward and backwards; all these can stimulate brain cell activities and in some cases even grow new brain pathways.

5. Work with your physician to find a supplemental regimen that helps improve your cognitive capabilities. Memory-enhancing supplements and herbs include B-complex vitamins, magnesium, CoQ10, alpha-lipoic acid, fish oil, flax seed oil, Chinese club moss, ginkgo, and ginseng. A supplement that has been well-documented in Europe for reversing age-related dementia and memory loss is phosphatidylserine (PS), a compound made by the body from the amino acid serine. Taken in supplement form, PS lowers stress response and promotes the release of neurotransmitters in the brain that facilitate thought, reasoning, and concentration.

I hope you find your days more memorable for many years to come!

Me being - PRICELESS...

2007-03-19T05:59:00.000-07:00

Sometimes we just need to be reminded!

A well-known speaker started off his seminar by holding up a $20.00 bill. In the room of 200, he asked, "Who would like this $20 bill?" Hands started going up. He said, "I am going to give this $20 to one of you but first, let me do this. He proceeded to crumple up the $20 dollar bill. He then asked, "Who still wants it?" Still the hands were up in the air. Well, he replied, "What if I do this?" And he dropped it on the ground and started to grind it into the floor with his shoe. He picked it up, now crumpled and dirty. "Now, who still wants it?" Still the hands went into the air. My friends, we have all learned a very valuable lesson. No matter what I did to the money, you still wanted it because it did not decrease in value. It was still worth $20.

Many times in our lives, we are dropped, crumpled, and ground into the dirt by the decisions we make and the circumstances that come our way. We feel as though we are worthless. But no matter what has happened or what will happen, you will never lose your value. Dirty or clean, crumpled or finely creased, you are still priceless to those who DO LOVE you. The worth of our lives comes not in what we do or who we know, but by WHO WE ARE and WHOSE WE ARE.

You are special- Don't EVER forget it." If you do not pass this on, you may never know the lives it touches, the hurting hearts it speaks to, or the hope that it can bring. Count your blessings, not your problems.

"And remember: amateurs built the ark .. professionals built the Titanic.

If God brings you to it - He will bring you through it.

Me being - ME!!! "what you've gotta say? get off my back!!"

2007-03-03T07:09:00.000-08:00

hi,

pls get off my back. stop pushing me around. whats it with you?
just live your own life. let me live mine. aite? fair enough??

i do not want to be like you. whats wrong with being myself??
so what? why can't everyone be peaceful? why must we care just for ourselves?
whats wrong with caring about others? why must you be so selfish?

just because we are of the same kind does not really mean that we have to act the same.

i am me, you are you. get that?

and you, just because you're there longer than me, what rights does it make u command me around. classless.

just because you're here longer than me does not necessarily make you 'bigger' than me in terms of stature.

so pls, get off my back. you don't deserve the rights to make me do ur shit work.

if this doesn't register into your head pls read my title again. i am ME. not you.
i love it this way...

Me being - the butt of all jokes

2007-02-28T07:30:00.000-08:00

well.. least now i feel what's it like to be the minority group. and it really makes me think.

i mean, u you have been getting teased around and being the joke of all people it will really make u think.

whenever people are in the majority, they'll tend to bully someone, make a fool out of him for their pleasure to a certain extent.

well, it really reminds me that everything does have its limits.

haha. now i know. and i will learn.

its not fun being bullied. and so never be a bully.

i'll never be one.

Me being - my own blog's creator!!

2007-02-26T07:01:00.000-08:00

hey hey hey... been couple of weeks now... here i am back!!!

WITH NEW INSPIRATION!!!

haha... thanks to that special pendek.. :D

ok, first and foremost, most of u may know it but think she dont, this background is from blogspot itself and its so freaking neat dont u think?

it gives the feeling of creativity, a classic writer's design. something that shakespear would use... hahaha.. getting alittle thickskin over here...

yup, anyways yea, my blog might not have any soundtracks, picture or video. YET!!

but i am proud of saying that this is my masterpiece.
and i did this myself.

cos its just being me myself and i.. :)

aite. hopefully i'll get inspiration to type again.

den out.

Me being - infected with lovephobia

2007-02-11T08:44:00.000-08:00

well, some of you, when you read this post might be thinking to yourself. what exactly is lovephobia??

if you split it up it is actually love phobia. its what i define as someone who quits easy on a relationship.

for example, you like this person right? and you're dying to confess to her what you feel inside like a volcano waiting to erupt. but before you tell her anything, u'll start to have second thoughts and in the end, the fear of rejection finally made u quit before even approaching her to tell her how u feel.

yea, thats something that i have actually, i am to a certain extent afraid of showing. because i'm afraid. i'm so scared that things are destroyed because of this little action that i made.

isn't this how friendship become weaker? isnt this how close different gender friends start to stay adrift of each other?

yes, i am afraid of the word L-O-V-E.
due to past experiences being in and out of relationships.

i have a friend who likes to say that relationships are very troublesome. and i'm beginning to agree with what he said.

well the verdict's out. :)

anyways some of u who noticed, i've posted 2 blogs with minutes spacing each blog entry.
yea, haha. i guess i just have the inspiration to type.

den out.

Me being - switched on into chinese new year mode

2007-02-11T07:54:00.000-08:00

Gong xi Gong xi.

that will what we will be hearing on the radio or be watching on channel 8 these few days i bet.
and for my own life, i've been doing some hardcore shopping for new clothings, imagine 5 schooling days, going to different shopping centres in Singapore looking for new clothes.

well yea, and i would like to thank my friends who accompanied me those 5 days, appreciate it. :D

its going to be chinese new years soon and i sure am looking forward to it.
i'm definitely counting down the days. so that i can impress with my new clothes and meet up with my cousins again.

not forgetting the RED PACKETS!!!
$$$$

hopefully this new year will improve the luck of everybody, a change of the chinese 'feng shui'
haha.

anyways i hope that you people who reads this are feeling as excited as i am.
out.
den

Me being - in a below average looking person's life for one day

2007-02-06T06:42:00.000-08:00

okay, have you ever wondered how is it like to be a reject? someone who was never popular?
someone who's existance do not really concern you and whether the person's there or not, it won't matter to you?

well, how about looking into their lives for one moment?

while some "better looking" people are getting all the glam, some are being pushed into a dark alley called the unpopulars.

yes, this group of unpopulars may not get all the attention and stuff, but do you know that most of the time this are the people who are the truest? who's character is most of the time more sincere?

what i'm saying may sound stereotype but look at the general picture. why don't i ask you a question, most of the time whenever you spot couples along the street or something, does it look to you like beauty's with the beast? go figure.

but i'm not saying that below average people have the greatest character, like i said, this topic i opened up really is something to debut on, but this is just my personal point of view.

anyways, i've said my piece.
den.

Me being - a fan in the stands of the last match in the Singapore National Stadium, Singapore vs Thailand

2007-02-03T20:22:00.000-08:00

when was the last time u watch a live soccer match? well, haha, for now mine was the last match that was going to be played at the Singapore National Stadium. the match was quite memorable as well, imagine the players walking out of the pitch after a controversial decision made by the referee??!!

yeah right i said walk out, thats what the thais did exactly when the decision was made. we the fans and those others at home watching the match, i bet are all feeling like wth!!

seriously,
how can any player (especially ones who get paid) walkout of a game just because of a wrong decision made by a referee?? where has all the professionalism gone to?
the just destroyed a perfect game, the last being played in the national stadium.

anyways, after all's said and done with, singapore still emerged winners with a 2-1 scoreline for the first leg...

tonight's going to be the second leg and i'll be rooting for the lions again!!!

ALL THE BEST SINGAPORE!!!
BRING THE CUP HOME TONIGHT!!!

Me being - a bloody tired student who's preparing for camp

2007-02-01T07:04:00.000-08:00

have any of u felt this way before? before u're going for school camp or some major outting, you feel so restless and don't have the mood to do anything at all.

yea, thats how i'm actually feeling right now.

anyways tmr there's a camp going on in school and guess what, all of the students who are participating have to hike (basically its just walking with all our camp stuff) for 6 miles to our camp site. and mind u, our camping stuff would be weighing more than 3kg already as it is compulsory to bring 2 bottles of 1.5l bottle water for the "hike".

MAN WHAT A TIRING DAY IT WILL BE!!!!

anyways, guess what we'll be having for supper that day - NUTS AND RAISINS!!

haha.

cool huh.

anyways gotta go do some packing now.

peace out.
den